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Some of you may remember that a few weeks back I posted a VPA (Very Personal Ad). For those who don’t know, this is an exercise I do over at Havi’s blog, The Fluent Self. As a bid to learn about asking for help, and because I’ve had success in my previous couple of asks; I’m writng these weekly. Because I love how she puts it, I’m going to copy the blurb from her own VPA with her explanation of the practise:

Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.

So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual. Yay, ritual!”

 Although I’m a somewhat private person, for me, this blog is about finding sovereignty and being authentic, so I’ve decided I may make this a ritual of mine too.

This week, I’m going into more detail on the Ad I posted in Havi’s comments.

 The Background:
I saw my other half this weekend, and that was wonderful. We’ve gone from seeing each other five days a week to one weekend every 4-5 weeks.
There’s a new shift upcoming, and it’s going to happen during some pretty important exams.

He’s taking what are in effect, finals – though he’s only half way through his degree. I’m taking exams which will amount to half my degree. Those run from now to July 13th. And then he’s off to Cambodia for a month placement.

It’s quite likely I won’t see him now until 17th August. And that fact really doesn’t sit comfortably with me.

           Exams are hard.

                      Exams + Separation = Harder

                                  Exams + Separation – Recovery = …

He’s flying alone (his first ever flight on an aeroplane & he gets travel-sick), then has 4 weeks in a foreign country (with disease and dangerous animals and etc etc) and then a flight back, also alone.

This Ad is very personal to me, and it’s for strength.

I need to access my patience, my trust, faith and support. I need to be there for him and I need to give him space to revise and plan.

Here’s what I want:
-I want to be able to spend the next three months without too much worry. I don’t want any monsters to show me the worst case scenario when it comes to his health and safety as we take University exams and then he flies half way across the world on placement for a month.
-I want to be able to sleep. I want to be able to get out of bed each morning not worried. I want to feel safe and supported and I want my abandonment monsters to be reassured (because I may not be strong enough to reassure them myself).
-I want to be able to cope with the 3.5 months away from him; without all that past-stuff taking over my life.

Ways this could work:
-Breathing. Crying. Dancing. Singing. Fruit & vegetables. Talking. Lots and lots of communication with trusted people. TRUSTING. Loving. Waiting. More breathing. Faith.

-People may send me random comments and notes with uplifting/supportive content.

-I can look at photographs of us and remember the wonderful times – I can look back at the obstacles we’ve overcome before and remember that this is just one more obstacle.

-I can remember that we already spend weeks apart, 14 is going to be difficult, but it isn’t impossible. I know people who’ve had to go 6-12 months without seeing their other half. People do survive it and I’m lucky to even have him in my life in the first place.

-I’ll remember that there is still the possibility I’ll get to see him the week before his flight. There’s still hope. In fact this VPA could work by making sure we have a day together before his flight in July.

My commitment.
-To try my best at accepting help when offered.
-To ASK for help when I need it (like posting this blog today, because today is Hard)
-To trust him– he’s sensible and healthy. He can take care of himself.
-To be honest with myself about how I am feeling.
-To revise for my exams despite wanting to curl up in a ball and cry (even more).
-I won’t talk negatively to myself when I do cry.
-To listen and to breathe as best I can.

I need to be strong enough to get on with it. I need to revise and finish this coursework. I need to pass my exams. I need to fuel my body with healthy foods and get enough sleep. I need to take care of myself.

This morning I had to fight to get out of bed; something I’ve not felt in a couple of years. This is my ad for strength, support, encouragement and courage.

This is Rose, asking for help.