Welcome to the fifth sixth attempt at writing this post.
I’ve not been very well this week, as my body took an emergency vacation. But today, I’ve things to do and though I’m trying to treat my body with kindness, I’ve put these things off and I can’t leave them longer.
I have to post a letter and fill out some forms and make a phone call (arrrggh!) and then actually walk to go ask someone I’ve never met to please hire me. All of these things scare me on some level.
– The letter is a “goodbye, come back safely” letter [i actually need to write it, too] which means i’ll accept that he leaves.
– The forms are for voluntary work and i’m so paranoid I’ll get something wrong
– Phones calls – just no. I need body language and i struggle and generally lie on the phone because i can’t get to the truth in time. I panic. And it’s a phone call about the volunteering. PanicPanicPanic.
– My dad’s friend runs a pub, he’s never met me but it’s still a bit nerve-wracking when I have little social skills and there’s just extra pressure when your family knows.
Anyway. I’m going to do some ShivaNata before attempting any of these. I wondered through the blogroll of a blog I used to read, The Rambling Taoist and I discovered a post on dealing with anger by Lucy.
In this post, I was hit by sudden understanding on one particular phrase.
“It’s all just practice.”
Last week, I mentioned that results weren’t everything, and this seemed to be a foundation for this phrase today. I’m sure KJ has said that phrase at some point in the year and a half that he’s been teaching us. But it hadn’t sunk in before.
I remember relaxing on my driving test because I thought I’d failed on an early manoeuvre. Thanks to that, I relaxed and got the rest right – with all the pressure now lost, and I passed.
I think that in a similar way, reminding myself that if I do mess up this phone call/meeting – there will be other jobs and they may give me the benefit of the doubt – they may not even notice. It’s all just practise, and I know I can learn from the experience.
Practising in light,