I totally had the most amazing night.
Saturday night, I shut down the laptop and went to bed by 1am. I was too tired to read or write – having been up since 7:30am. Cue 5am; still awake – haven’t slept. Have tried Shivanata [in body and mentally while lying down], meditating, reiki, counting stars and got no-where.
Panicpanicpanic. Not breathing. Chest compression. Suffocation.
Do Not Likey. –whines-
So, yesterday afternoon [after 4.5 hours of nightmare-filled-sleep] my friend came round. We walked to the local Harvester and shared a drink. We discussed self-employment, the housing market, moving abroad, New Zealand, self-sufficiency, how mental-Cambodia looks like Vietnam, paypal systems, tax returns, accountancy and even waitressing.
We walked back to my house and held a Reiki share. First, she lay down and I, having not practised for over a month, was forced to let my intuition guide [rather than following step-by-step instructions].
This was brilliant, as I tend to get caught up in instructions and miss key intuitions.
We did our Reiki I and II together – where I could barely scan her body- not feeling a thing [feeling a foooool, to be honest]. Yesterday? Results!
Not only did I sense the differences in her energy, but when she gave me a treatment, I could really feel it strongly.
So good to be connected with my body.
[Note: I spent the morning reading Hiro’s playbook for Sovereignty Kindergarten, so was on the look-out for connection].
Launching a Sales Page
And last night – despite a bit of writer’s block, I wrote some novel AND I had the most amazing insights into my habits and ways I could support myself and others. I blame the Reiki.
I spent 4 HOURS writing up a sales page- from scratch. I now have three headings of services I know I can offer – two from a distance and one in person that I can hopefully meld into a distance-service.
Now I need to work out the money side because, though I will continue to volunteer for free, my VPA asked for:
Pluses (We don’t have to have these things but we’d really like them)
It would be amazing if you gave me some form of foundation for supporting myself financially. Even if I couldn’t see how at the time. Perhaps you will lead to opportunities in a years time that then give me income. If I could gain substantial income from you. From loving you.
That possibility is here. So why not take it?
Enter the monster, stage-right.
(Note: Havi of FluentSelf talks about what monsters are and how to treat them with love.)
Today’s monster is the same one as usual. Today, however, I’m in a safe space. Let’s take out my slinky-summer notepad, where I’ve written to my monsters before (as part of the Shmorian Thing-Finding-Course).
In June I sat down with the workbook and I wrote an introduction speech to my monsters:
Rose: “I’d like to hear your views on my projects. Is there anything you need in order to support me?”
Today, I have a set of answers.
Some Doubts Surface
Monster: “You’re copying.”
Rose: “Any new idea is unlikely to be truly new. However, what I put into it is unique to me.”
Monster: “What can you really give? You’re a fraud.”
Rose: “How so?”
Monster: “You’re just a kid. You never finish what you start, you’re only doing this out of fear – you want a back-door in case you fail your degree; and you’re going to fail at the back-door which makes you so beyond useless.”
Rose: -deep breath-“Ouch. Okay. So you don’t want me to try this “back-door” because it’ll prove I’m a failure in EVERYTHING; compared to just my degree? I think we need to go into more detail. Right now, however, I’m feeling a bit hurt.”
Monster: “Can’t you see you set yourself up for failure so often that you now expect it? And it’s no surprise to everyone else, either. And now you expect it – you’re not surprised. Failure should hurt – else how will you ever succeed?!”
Rose: “I’m not sure how to answer that. Can we put a system in place where we wait until Toozday, when we find out the results, before getting too hung-up on the issue of failing the degree.”
Monster: “Your friends got the letter saying they passed already.”
Rose: “I live further away, and the post office isn’t the most reliable system. Plus, they may mark the exams in batches. I can’t change my results now anyway, and will survive doing re-sits if I need to. Can we go back to the issue of this back-door failing? Is there anything we could do to minimise that?”
Monster: “People will be disappointed in your work. Want their money back. Dislike you. Those who you copied the idea from will hate you.”
Rose: “What if I write a blog post which will link from the sales page – explaining how my services will differ from other products – and be incredibly concise on how it’s all from my heart; not meant to be hard-and-fast facts?”
Monster: “Hmm.. that would minimize the disturbance I guess.”
Rose: “And I could explain that I’ve seen X and Y and felt I could add Z to the mix; explain that I’ve been looking for the perfect transport for this gift, and have been inspired by X and Y. Giving the people credit would likely minimize stepping on/stealing their tiny, sweet thing.”
Rose: “Anyone contacting me can voice their opinion, and I can express understanding, apologise that they feel that way, and then we could work together to find a compromise. If I post this conversation on that post and link to my email address at the bottom – then we can keep communication channels open and hopefully avoid hurting anyone.”
Monster: “That’s much better. I’m happier with the plan now. Though I still don’t think you’ll finish.”
Rose: “Okay, that’s allowed. I can set boundaries on a maximum number of clients fledglings at a time – set apart spaciously. I still need to sort out the whole tax-claim/setting up the paypal buttons anyway – which gives me time to refine the plans.”
Monster: “What if someone brings out their version of your product while you’re stalling? Waiting around for the tax issues- someone else could steal your audience and then you can’t publish your idea because they’ll think you’re copying them!”
Rose: “Okay, that’s a valid point. How about I put a brief outline here; posted now – and maybe show a trusted friend my sales page – so I have that witness-protection via visibility.”
Monster: “Hmm. Yes, okay. Who to trust though?”
Rose: “Someone who has been here: Elizabeth or Josiane maybe. Perhaps someone I trust to give me honest feedback: like Robin or Sonja.”
Monster: “Okay. You have my support.”
Rose: “Thank you. I understand you just want to help keep me motivated and safe. Let’s keep in touch.”
Monster: “If we must.”
Keeping the word to said monster is important. Thus:
+My email address is a.celestial.rose[at]gmail[dot]com
+My currently-planned services list )with brief outline as to why it’s unique to me) includes:
– Supportive Inspiration / Silver Lining Cards
- Art, letters, postcards, poetry, quotes specific to you- includes small accomplishments that no-one else would think to congratulate you on.
– You are Not a Salmon
- Afternoon tea + Session of Reiki/tarot + brainstorming chance, based on Buddhism+Psychology+NLP+ShivaNata
– Tarot Reading
- 16-card [coming later than other services]
+ All of the above will be done to the best of my ability; from the heart and will of wanting to support you.
+My maximum number of clients per month should be nine.
Thanks go to Elizabeth Halt for inspiring the perfect transport for the Silver Lining service. I wish I’d thought of it.