Lately I’ve been floating through life a little dazed. I’ve not paid a single moment of attention to my store – though I’ve checked my emails and found that no-one else has either, so it’s not a problem. I can’t remember the last time I did ShivaNata, yoga or meditated. I can’t write much as I left my most recent draft of my story on my other half’s laptop.
I’ve been hanging out a bit at a couple of online community forums and really reconnecting with my daily practise.
Morning pages, drinking water, daily ShivaNata, wake-up yoga, weight training, daily meditation, evening Reiki and dance are all habits I cottoned on to for a while but have since lost.
For Lughnasadh, I didn’t even light a candle.
I guess that’s my cue to jump into an elaborate routine in preparation for University, where I find myself able to continue habits easier. However, I’m going to start with a letter I wrote.
This is a wonderful idea I learned from Katie over at The Yogiconomist:
A Love Letter to Third Year
Dear Upcoming Academic Year,
I find myself once more in this void of anticipation and fear. Of seeing you and of all the experiences you’ll gift me with. I can just feel the potential brimming and it excites me.
Officially, we don’t meet until October, but I’ll be in Brighton from September 11th to get a feel for you. I await that predictable structure of ten-week terms, four-week holidays and then, new to me in the way that finals are, getting results in late June. A gap in exams and results of around 5 weeks – with which to gain volunteering experience, maybe earn some money and chill out with friends.
Time for some unstructured flings with reading and writing for my own pleasure, dance, meditation, yoga and music. I look forward to the structure you’ll provide me.
I’m hoping to give you my all this year; as I know we have give each other so much- and it’d be a shame to waste such an opportunity. You’ve been so patient with me up to now; giving me a little slack just to keep my head above water, but always slipping out of reach to silently entice me into working. Each ten-week session flashes by like light- faster than comprehension.
With this final year upon me, I feel a sudden fear of the unknown world beyond education. This truly is the end of the road, and I need to make you last as long as possible – to build upon our foundations steadily in the hopes that our relationship will last long beyond my graduation date next July.
I don’t do free-time well – I can’t be trusted to utilise it well. So I love you for your deadlines and the days I have to spend on campus, using time wisely (or at least in a fun, memory-making way).
In three days, I’ll be twenty. And come September, we’ll celebrate sixteen years together. I’m finding motivators this summer to be true to you- to face the fears and really make the most of our final year together.
And who knows. Maybe I’ll get onto a post-graduate course once I have some experience under my belt, and we can have a reunion party.
One thing I know for sure – I’ll always be a scholar of life, and love nearly every minute of learning.
Yours in Light,
Structure & The Light
In lieu of the shift back to University, I’m planning to at minimum, get back to meditation and ShivaNata. In a way, Dance of Shiva is a form of yoga, and I generally play with energy during my meditations. I almost drink too much water or herbal tea, so don’t really need to worry about that.
I’m just missing that sense of connection – that flow. I’m just downloading some new podcasts to delve into [which are crashing things, but never mind] and who knows – maybe by the end of next week, I can be on my shiny new laptop – complete with the blog posts I haven’t been able to access since May when my laptop died. I should be reunited with that sense of structure I’ve been craving. Should be able to reach out to the community and re-connect.
The light is shining through from the rocks, the fog is lifting and I can see port. I hope to then be back on schedule with weekly posts of some relevance within the next fortnight.
Until then, take care.