Iguanaccountability – a metaphor for facing piles of doom

Tags

enchantress, iguana, WorkingOnStuff

Yes, you read that right. Iguanaccountability.

Promise. Here’s a picture.

Havi states that “An iguana is any [stupid, crappy, annoying] thing you don’t feel like doing.”
Which is much clearer than how I tried to explain it:

I have a massive mess of iguana’s who have flippin’ sharp teeth and they are piling up.

They began creeping under my door at night, and then I tried to get up and they were covering my carpet to the extent that I accidentally trod on some.

And then they jumped up in defence and bit me.

Sorry iguanas. I’m sorry.

And now they’re nestling up in my bedcovers…

But before I feel like crap and face them, let’s go grab my wand and enchantress cloak. And some green tea.

Okay, so armed and ready, I skipped on over to Havi’s post on dealing with the de-piling-ness of a mess of iguanas. Except she’s more succinct than that.

Firstly, let’s narrow down to our truth.

Can I remove anything?
Let’s shrink this mess!

Repetition?
If I’ve said it before, decipher whether it’s urgent or not; and a one-of or continuous.

Costume
Wearing. =)

Language
Oh, my favourite word. After surrender. Yes, totally stolen of Elizabeth Gilbert’s friend.

So let’s start with a baby iguana. I need to clean.
Let’s call it… cleansing the circle? [as an enchantress]. I can take a small step. Take down my breakfast plate and bring up the vacuum cleaner? Doesn’t matter if I don’t vacuum yet. Just take a step. Maybe clear the carpet of stuff ready?

Readying the house for a coven meeting? Or maybe gathering up items for a spell? Like ingredients.

And maybe I could do that for each; metaphor it to hell and do so with a smile.

Define.
Don’t focus on the pile of DOOM. Let’s isolate each item:

Pay Bills.
Tidy.
Hoover.
Blog.
Read.
Plot Novel #4.
Take out recycling.
Sign up for insurancey stuff.
Prepare for training sessions on Mon and Tue.
Email societies [and update the list with those people who said “add me to your list” back in JUNE]
ShivaNata/Yoga/Stretches/FreeWeights/Physio
Cook a meal with vegetables in it. Maybe pasta & pesto.
Actually work on x, y, z as you gave your word you would – proof read novel, write blogs, make video, .

Okay now I’m scared.

Catergorise
So let’s give them a home/category.

Physical Wellbeing – home & body

ShivaNata/Yoga/Stretches/FreeWeights/Physio
Cook a meal with vegetables in it. Maybe pasta & pesto.
Tidy.
Hoover.
Take out recycling.

Work-Related – musts!

Actually work on x, y, z as you gave your word you would – proof read novel, write blogs, make video, .
Prepare for training sessions on Mon and Tue.
Email societies [and update the list with those people who said “add me to your list” back in JUNE]
Pay Bills.
Sign up for insurancey stuff.

Other – generally enjoyable except for the clawing and distractions of others

Blog.
Read.
Plot Novel #4.

Treasures?
In grabbing ingredients for this spell, I might find lost items [like my tubigrip that’s led to me making a makeshift bandage and sling out of gauze, a safety pin and my baby blanket] or important paperwork I’ve mislaid.

Why am I avoiding the:

Physical Wellbeing – home & body

Tired. Tiring to dance/flail.

Hurts to do physiotherapy exercises.

I ate a can of sweetcorn I was using as a free-weight.

My arm is in a fake sling.

The vacuum cleaner is downstairs and heavy.

The recycling boxes are filthy and I don’t want to touch the ick.

Work-Related – musts!

Fear. Not going to be good enough so why bother. Takes time and effort.

Not 100% sure what to do for it. Need clarity. Too much going on at once. Overwhelm.

Windows 7 search function makes finding my email list for the societies absolute freaking HELL. I don’t want to make myself angry with this laptop/Windows.

I’ve never paid a bill before. Fear. Unsurity. Need to ask how to do it online.

Other – generally enjoyable except for the clawing and distractions of others

As stated. Too much other to really focus and feel okay. Can’t breathe.

Why do I want to do these now?
Can’t breathe. If you stop breathing for too long you die. That’s a bad forecast for my day.

Got the day off. Have the time.

Started to clean up yesterday – realised how much dirt is around/found the bills/got a society email.

How can I make this easier/less scary and overwhelming?
I’m an enchantress; it’s spell-crafting.

I’m also a wordsmith. E-mails and projects x-z involve writing – I shall conquer them as a wordsmith would and it’ll be an amazing result.

Hoovering is exercise – arms and legs. And I can do it sitting down if needed.

I’ve got a list here and supporters. If it’s not done, I can check the list again later.

I can ask my housemate how to pay the bills online.

I think I have a copy of the email list backed up – let’s take it off there to save hassle.

Any resistance to these ideas?
“it’ll take forever. Of course your writing sucks. You’ve done NO WORK for Uni you lazy woman! This has to be done NOW. ALL of it. And then when you’ve done it you have to read those 15 academic papers and that one you got given in JUNE and don’t forget the core textbooks – you’re not even half way through two of them; let alone the third one!”

And a calm response. They just want to help:
“Yes, this might take all day. And then I’ll be exhausted. How about if I get them all done by tomorrow lunchtime – and then Tomorrow night I will read at least one of those papers. Next week is all about preparing for University again. That’s why this weekend is about the iguanas.

Does that sound okay to you?”

Commitment.
To read a book I enjoy in bed tonight.

To make a cup of tea every time I tick off two items. Any flavour I like. Even Chai with its warm winter scents.

For anyone else in need of doing a massive pile of doom, I hope these steps give you a little place to start interacting safely with it. Havi talks about it in more detail here. This was just my particular process.

In writing this, I’ve actually crossed off “blog”. How awesome is that?

And because the power of words really is strong; today’s phrase shall be I Am Capable.  What would yours be?

In light,

Rose

Visibility: Reaching the Edge

Tags

novel, soar

Earlier in the year, I had this interesting revelation. And thus, I began to write. And it led to a draft manuscript with proof copy.

The Fog Clears

This summer, I took the “good” scenes from this book and began a full re-write. New characters, new setting, new historical time and a totally separate plot.

It started life as the Goddess Artemis training a group of scholars; now it’s about Zeus and Uranus creating a prophecy when a government faction rises to power post-apocalypse…

Thus, I class them as two novels.

And I’m officially 80,000 words into my manuscript.

Phew. Yes, that IS as much as it sounds. And the end is thus in sight. So, obviously, I stalled.

The Blocks

Since I passed 70,000; I’ve been having issues meeting my daily writing goals. This is day 46 of writing, and I’ve lost the plot. Quite literally.

This story began life as a romance – one woman, dedicated to the Goddess Artemis, trapped on an island and a man who rescues her. They fall in love. But another woman loves him. Blah.

As stipulated earlier; that’s not how it’s turned out. There are three romances within my 15 characters; but they’re mere sub-plots.

I’m not quite sure what my plot actually is. And I’ve lost motivation. I’ve done all the nice action-y bits and I’ve left myself notes like “deepen X’s character – mention his Y trait” which I need to expand to at least 1,000 word scenes. Basically, they’re boring to write. Essential to build character; and I’ll have interesting sections; but the scenes themselves are for deepening or setting; which are full of boring description or require a lot of thought of how to word characters feelings.

And I’ve left them until last. Oops.

A Glimpse

As I’ve learned that accountability is a key motivator for me, I did an overview of the main arc and I’d like to share this with you. It won’t mean a lot and it’s main purpose is just to be “they know you’re close to finishing; thus you better finish soon”.

But I think you deserve a little glimpse of the story, so I’ll include the list commonly found in signatures on the NaNoWriMo forums. Enjoy.

I’m also open to suggestions [no alien invasion or time travel though please] and questions. Leave a comment :)

Story
Most Words in a Single Day – 5,927
# of Chapters – Hell knows, I’ll put them in at the end. Around 20-30.
# of Characters [named] –24
# of Points of View – 11 + combinations (group X are with group Y for a scene)
# of Goddess Visions – 0
# of Murder Scenes – 3
# of Sex Scenes – 2
# of Dragons – 4
# of Sword Fights – 1
# of Plot Twists – 5
# of Unexpected Story Derivations – 4
# of Guns Shot/Arrows Fired– 6
# of Criminals Met – 3
# of Supernaturals Encountered – Around 72.
# of Injuries Incurred – 10?

Writer
# of Missed Meals – 3
# of 4th Wall Breaks – 1
# of Cups of Tea – >60
# of Bottles of Cherry Coke – 2
# of Conversations with Self – 100?
# of Headaches – 4
# of Unexpected character actions – 6
# of 3am’s Seen – 15

Deadline

And the deadline for passing 90,000 words is 23^rd September.

That’ll give me a week off [generally you’re meant to take off 3-4 weeks before editing, but I haven’t time] before the first edit occurs.

I’ve got to have something to enter before the end of October. Wish me luck!

In Light,

Rose

Quietude of Autumn (& Space)

Tags

Autumn, seasons, vpa

Part i – Animation of Autumn & Spirit: sharing my excitement & musings on nature
Part ii – Emergence of Autumn & Ritual: sharing the move home & musings on community

Quietude

I tread lightly upon the floor; bare feet meeting the warmth of carpet. It’s dark outside, the quiet murmur of birdsong slipping through the single glazed windows of my room. I’ve built an altar here, at last, to the spirit of my spirit. I light a candle upon the altar; rolling my shoulders to bring my body into motion. I draw the curtains slowly; mindful of the sleeping bodies in the rooms surrounding my own.

The morning sky is crisp and blue; circling around me as I stand, breathing in the air and stretching my muscles. A winged being, I float on the thermals of a sky born this very morning. I spend a few moments in the silence before grabbing my mp3 player and slipping my headphones in- a soft glow of Celtic music gently nudging me to wakefulness.

Pouring my herbal tea from my thermos, I take in the scent of familiar mornings. I’m moved. I experience. The candle is extinguished, a prayer of peace and compassion emitted as the flame is extinguished.

Ritual

This, a routine for winter, reminds me of the light; focusing my morning before it has begun. However, it’s still autumn for now; the leaves just touching the earthen tones of brown and hues of orange.

Once my housemates awaken, I can dance. For now though, I slip into some playful yoga; the flailing art of shivanata; complete with rubber ducks. Now I’ve an hour to spend – writing, reading, listening. I have podcasts, novels, lecture recordings and text books; all for the taking.

Morning routine complete, I’m now ready to take on the day – showers, breakfast, the bus, lectures and all. I begin with today’s study material – lecture notes or seminar papers. On Thursdays, when I’ve no formal teaching, I can either review the week or prepare for Friday. This enables me to keep up with the week’s material; solidifying the lessons and read any text book chapters for the next week.

This way, my weekends are free for creativity. I can edit my novel, read fiction, draw, dance, sing and see friends. This is when I can write my blog posts; letters to clients, paint, research and seek jobs.

Quiet

Autumn is also my time of space.

It’s interesting how my cravings mirror the balance each person seems to strive for. I want community; and quiet.

Last night, the second of my three house-mates returned [I hadn’t met her before].  So far we get on and she seems lovely; however, I stayed up until 2am writing and was woken by the sound of the hairdryer in the room next door… at 7:15am.

I swear she said she was going wash her hair last night… so I feel a little more… abruptly awoken than planned.  However, I’ve a cup of nettle tea from my thermos flask, I’ve Seth Lakeman playing and a candle burning.

Some mornings, that’s going to be the closest I can get; especially while my housemates wake earlier than me.

I’ll make the quiet in my soul and let it spread.

The Ask

Last night, in true Sunday fashion over at The Fluent Self, I wrote a Very Personal Ad for a smooth transition into this routine. Not so sure about the smoothness, but it got me out of bed and it’s now relatively peaceful.

Here’s what I want:

My morning routine is beautiful in my head. I’ve even written a blog post explaining how it is – what happens and how I feel in it. But I’ve never actually done it…

I’d like information and I’m asking for at least one full-run-through so that I can see what’s stopping me.

Ways this could work:

Both my housemates are waking between 7 and 7:30am tomorrow and then off to Uni by 8:30. That means the kitchen and bathroom will be in and out of use; I’ve asked them to wake me when they leave. I’ll have an hour to practice the ritual in a kind of slow “i don’t need to get up officially until 9:30am” way.

My commitment.

To be gentle with myself. To blog about it.
To get some tea.

I have tea, I’m taking it slowly and I’m posting this blog.
It’s all just practise, and there’s always tomorrow.

Emergence of Autumn (& Ritual)

Tags

Autumn, druidry, Insights, seasons

Part i – Animation of Autumn & Spirit: sharing my excitement & musings on nature

Emergence
Autumn is a time of reflection for me. I tend to draw back a little while everyone else makes their new acquaintances and enjoy the solitary walks under the changing canopies. I begin to light candles and break out the long-sleeves.

With New Year in January and winter’s closure in February many people [pagans are no exception] feel the urge to “spring clean”. That is to clear the cobwebs, donate old items, re-arrange furniture and re-assess their goals.

For me, however, September brings this urge out. It’s going to get dark, I’m starting a new academic year and I’m packing winter clothes into a suitcase. Stepping to my bookcase, I take another sip of chai tea; the flavour of warmth and rejuvenation coursing through my taste buds. I’m moving back out; moving back to a place where my spiritual and communal cravings are satisfied.

And it’s this renewal of the earth that brings out in me the urge to research pagan courses.

Formality: Ritual & Training

As true to my usual routine, I’ve been looking over the curricula for the OBOD and AODA formal training.

I’ve so much I could say; about the elements of nwyfre, gwyar, and calas and what I find myself doodling in my spare time; speaking of the druidic pull I feel and then that distance over such book-driven courses. But I’ll leave it for another post.

I feel new to the craft with others, but I’ve experienced a wide-range of rites. I’ve been attending open Wiccan rituals; a Pagan moot and a Druid Grove. My first Beltain at University comprised of three rituals – one solitary, one druid and another Alexandrian Wiccan. I co-led a small “duet” esbat with a friend, played a male as ten of us danced the maypole and blessed a group circle with incense. The Druid Alban Hefin [Litha] Sabbat involved 120 of us in a circle while I took part with just three others to celebrate the Wiccan Modron.

This is my time of reflection and thus, for me, of renewal.

I’ve put out searches for local pagan groups and I’ve a new list of books on matters from eco-living to Taoist creation stories. I review my daily practise; something that tends to temper out come spring. I’m just so much more in tune with my experience of the Gods when it’s dark outside and I’m huddled up in a cosy fleece.

Perhaps it’s the candles.

November & Fear of the Dark

This autumn, this year in general, I’m focused on community. And just by synchronicity of that focus, my Irish friend is visiting me in November.

I’ve given my word that we can perform a rite together, which is both terrifying and exciting to me.

Despite being a solitary practitioner for over six years, I’ve only ever co-led one rite with another person present. It helped that he’d never done a ritual with another person, either – relieving pressure of expectations. And it was a wonderful experience. We admitted our fear of the dark [while in Stanmer Woods, alone] and had some interesting experiences – the presence of a tawny owl and possible fae abound.

My friend Ciaran is bringing his covener, Maera with him. We’ve spoken online and get on well. They already work together as members of the same coven, so I’m intrigued and excited by how they perform rites. However, as a less experienced Pagan; especially one whose rituals usually consist of meditation and writing in a circle; I feel a little out of my depth.

With the move back to Brighton and the shift in season, I feel that scholarly drive to expand my horizons and welcome autumn with my daily rites once more.

Ceremony

Slipping quietly down the stairs, I switch on the kettle and open the window to let in the cool morning air. This is how days should start.

And this is how I thank the Gods for the blessing of another day; tuning in to the world around me and that which lies within.

Animation of Autumn (& Spirit)

Tags

Autumn, druidry, Insights, seasons

Autumn is reaching out her arms to me; quivering in the shifting warmth as the cold slips quietly into our lives.

Animation & The Spirit

The excitement bubbles beneath the surface and I can barely contain the will to express. So I’ve got Lunasa blasting from my speakers; the violins can be heard from downstairs and it makes grin like Stephen Fry* – I can’t help but dance in my seat.

[*As in when he played the Cheshire Cat in the recent Alice in Wonderland movie]

Damn. One of my cats is complaining so I best turn it down a little. Maybe she should sleep downstairs.

Enthusiasm

With my family, you’re meant to smile politely and state that you’re looking forward to something. Dignified. And afterwards, you comment on how many wonderfully intellectual conversations you shared and how exquisite the food was.

Sheesh, up yourself much? This is all just my opinion, but it doesn’t sit well with me to force my joy into a little box and never show it in public. If I’m so happy I could dance in the street, I damn well WILL dance.

When I explained that I wanted to stay in Brighton next Summer to do something that inspired me, I had to add a disclaimer.

I know that once I’m out of University i’ll need to join “the real world” and get a job. I’ll need to act mature and “normal” and do all I can to fit in with others expectations. And I take that seriously.

It’s purely because of that; because this could be my last chance to experience before I’m tethered to a mortgage, job and children that I’m so determined to go to this camp.

It didn’t help that my grandparents don’t know what Buddhism is and get vague images of the 1970’s hippie scene* when I mentioned it.

[* Again, nothing wrong with this except that my family tend to judge and wouldn’t want me sitting in a tent praying to the flowers. Well, tough.]

In Flow

When 2010 began, I spoke about how everyone seemed to be in the zone of making the most of life. In March, I found myself carried on this current of flow. Now, I can feel the tide pulling me into the next swirl; and I’m anxious to go.

I’ve put a heavy emphasis on human connection and community for the next four months, though I’ll be taking time to myself with my books, writing, shivanata and some healthy food.

I’m attending three gigs, meeting a friend at the beach, shopping and making dinner with another, celebrating five birthdays, society meetings, another friend is visiting from Ireland [who I met up with last year when I went there], Pagan Sabbats, volunteering and then classes.

Then, for next year we’ve already got a few plans in motion… a karaoke night, the Buddhist camp, yoga, Pagan Sabbats, volunteering, classes, societies & whatever other plans come to fruition. I’m excited for the opportunities; bubbling over with the suspense of another journey around the sun.

Spirituality

This morning I read Ali’s posts about her peace retreat in Ireland; and one phrase she used in this post spoke to me:

“I sat to pray, and no words came, except the sacred silence, the intake of breath, the slow and gentle rearranging of my body to open and let in just a little more sky. What kind of prayer could I utter after this? When what I wanted most was only to keep moving, to keep shifting in this way, until every part of me was open, and the waters and the clouds and the mountains in their shining came rolling in.”

The very concept of “letting in a little more sky” moved me. Then I read on and interpreted her idea as “shifting until open; so water, sky and earth could move into me”. Apart from its apparent poetry, I felt a kind of… personal truth in her words. Except I’d have never thought to word it that way.

(For those who don’t know, Ali writes the most amazingly articulate posts about all sorts of topics, though they seem to focus on spirituality, nature, poetry and peace. With my own love of language, reading her blog is like getting a fix of imagery and connection through words.)

This is what I’m excited for. I can feel my petals opening towards the sky and see the insects ready to reach in. I feel the breeze and prepare to take a big breath, to sigh out the scents of the flowers around me. For me, I connect with the air and ocean much easier than the Earth or Fire. If I had to choose one element, I’d go with water*. And yet, if I look closely, I feel alive in the forest, with the scents of herbs, with bare feet over grass and with my hands in the soil. And I have an inner fire everyone claims they feel emanating from me.

[*astrologically speaking, I’m one part Virgo/earth and two parts Scorpio/water]

I’m vaguely pyrophobic, so never explored the firey side of myself- yet even people who only know me online [even one woman who knows me only through three forum posts I made a comment:

“I could see that it matches something in you, your special, glowing fires, banked in serenity.”

But I’ve never connected with fire in the way I connect with the elements of air, water and earth. Though if I seek connections; I find them. My first [and still most often called upon] face of deity have been the fiery warriors; Scathach, Morrigan and Artemis/Diana. The animals I call upon for guidance are the birds of prey, the wolves and tigers; the bear, the turtle, the deer and the butterfly.

I have balance, yet still seek only four of the five elements in my words, my thought and my actions.

A Society Without Flame

I’m not sure I can even call it conditioning but the physical parts of our world barely mention fire. As Ali mentions in another post, our bodies forget the fire:

“I stood on the shore letting the sun and wind bathe the white stone in my palm, then bent to wash the stone in the waters of the lake. Breath, blood, bone — wind, water, stone”

We are warm-blooded beings who use fire to cook and to stay warm. Without it, we could survive- body heat, the skins of animals and a raw diet; but life wouldn’t have the tastes, textures and feel. Could we tell stories without that atmosphere or meditate without the steady flame? Would it truly satisfy us?

Where would we be without the passion of anger, love and a sense of justice? Without the encouraging words and hugs of friendship – would we function as a society without fire?

The typical picture of this world shows the sea, some land with trees and the sky. Fire is left out of our artwork as it has been left out of our physical bodies.

The closest I can think is in the autumnal colours. The leaves here will soon fade to rustic beige, rich brown and orange hue. The colours of flame will keep us warm as the temperature cools and winter approaches.

And I for one will light a candle to welcome her in.

Soaring, one wing-beat at a time

Tags

SoaringStore

I’ve been ill, which made it easy to procrastinate.
I’m terrified of writing this post.
Partly, it’s a “I’m failing so I need to post” and the other part is “If it fails after this post, you’ve failed.”
That’s a double dose of failure-fear.
So, I’m going to keep this short and in theory, succinct.

Open Those Wings

I’m officially open for business in my little store – where there are hand-crafted poems, letters, pictures, emails and general love waiting to fly.

I also have little flutters of advice to share, for open-minded birds and insects.

 And I’ll soon be open with some etsy stuff, because I love that kind of craft.
If you feel that you need a gust of wind to get you up to the thermals, head on over and have a look at what I can offer:

The Soaring Store

  ~ Support & Guidance for Soaring; one wing-beat at a time. ~

 

In Light,
Rose.