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2010 has been a challenging but rewarding year. My best so far, I can easily say.  I tried to start a business. I moved blogs. I shifted focus many times. And then found it. I started to give when I could afford. And then near the end of this year, I began to connect with community.  To sit in a space of quietude.

I’ve a strong, firey personality. I’m reasonably defiant, out-spoken and confident. I’m slowly learning to be quiet; to find grace. This year, I’m taking the role of playfulness, defiance and strength from my old wolven lessons.

This year, I’ve learned a lot about my capacity. I feel that my core is shimmering beneath the surface; ready to shine. Over the past twelve months, I have found a sense of self, of strength and of serenity.

And now I’m reflecting on the coming year and the lessons I most want to learn:

-patience, -release, -integration, -consistency, -resilience, -trust, -truth, -insight, -transformation, -illumination, -enchantment, -elegance, -eloquence, -quietude, -activation, -veracity, -flowing…

I feel that this year has been an ending of my “rebuilding from ruin” and a step onto the foundation where I can now “construct” and form my future.

And as I said last week, for that, I need a sense of direction; a path to follow. Back to my shining illumination, my inner fire of guidance, and a chat with my inner wolf.

Investigating the Fire

Perhaps its time to embrace this fire instead of praying for rain all the time.

In this country, in this time, defiance is unruly; considered violent; unnecessary even. There is considered no honour in standing up for what you believe; for what is right, to your view. Like many, I’ve been suppressing this light; keeping it under the bedcovers, in order to sneak in a few pages of Women Who Run with the Wolves.

This year, I’ve learned that I can shine, free and bright; I can illuminate the way; protect myself and love my friends with passion.

I’ve seen friends suffer and started to find a balance between yelling at them with love and being a insightful listener.

Now, I intend to learn how not to burn those I care for most. I want to be the phoenix- rising from the fire but contained by feathers that allow me to soar; to reach out: I’ll rise upon the thermals to travel and to see the view. Travelling upon the clouds to share that view with those who cannot see, but wish to.

I want to channel my anger at the injustices into a form of love: to be fiercely compassionate. To me, that spells Veracity.

I want to inspire, to light the way for others; to remind people that there is hope.

Calling Metaphor Mouse

Unpacking my current relationship with this. (Fire/Kenaz= ?)

What are the negative qualities, aspects, associations, attributes of the problem word?

+ Burning
+ Faint
+ Wild/Uncontrollable/Violent/Dangerous
+ Choking smoke
+ Fear
+ Tense
+ Risk
+ Distrust/Illusions
+ Aggression
+ Explosions

Reminds me of?
A sense of sorrow; of sympathy. Like someone who hurts others but only because they don’t understand how to control themselves.

Learning more about my IDEAL metaphor (Fire = ?)
What sort of qualities, aspects and feelings does the thing I want contain?

– Connection
– Passion
– Creativity
– Inspiration
– Compassion
– Honour
– Warmth
– Cuddly (yes. cuddly fire)
– Pretty flames
– Support
– Movement
– Transformation
– Guidance
– Simplicity
– Divination
– Wisdom of age
– Space
– Cleansing
– Independence
– Release
– Family, intimacy
– Safety
– Prepared for anything
– Core strength
– Defiance
– Playful
– Protection
– Power
– Clarity

Creatures of the Flame – an animal metaphor
Reminds me of?
Salamanders and hawks are commonly found as symbols of fire in pagan culture, as are cats, lion/ram/centaur (Leo/Aries/Sagittarius are considered fire sun-signs), tigers & foxes in other cultures.
And the fire-wings – Phoenix, firefly, hawk, dragon…

Cubs in a fox/wolf den-
– fierce loyalty in the pack.
– warmth of other cubs and mother’s body heat.
– connected & teamwork to protect pack.
– turn-taking = fair systems.
– arguments yet never out-casted for standing up for yourself; thus safety.
– play-fighting on a riverbank with sibling-cubs!

– not as family orientated,
– clarity
– foresight/insight
– fly
– communication
– fierce

Dragons in a Cliff-cave-
– control their fire-breathing.
– telepathic bond with each other
– communicate with other species’ so can reach out/connect
– family/loyalty aspect
– fly [soaring, seeing the view, travelling to share]

The creatures at play

While I searched for myself, I found aspects in the creatures who can teach us of our own nature. Since then, I’ve tried to find the one animal who speaks to me; who represents my essence in full.

And I’ve come to the conclusion that try as I might, I won’t ever be able to condense myself into a neat package as my society-fuelled perfectionism wishes me to.

“Wolves and women are relational by nature, inquiring, possessed of great endurance and strength. They are deeply intuitive, intensely concerned with their young, their mates and their pack. They are experienced in adapting to constantly changing circumstances; they are fiercely stalwart and very brave.”

– Clarissa Pinkola Estes from “Women Who Run With The Wolves”.

Amidst the wise, loyal & resilient wolf, I am the transformative & beautiful butterfly and the playful otter. I stand tall as the proud & fierce tigress, the elegant & nimble deer and the insightful hawk who connects the sky-spirit with all animals.

I am an imperfect being of perfection.
And in 2011, I will inspire, enchant & integrate.

What will you do?

In Light, Sub Specie Aeternitatis,