This week has been about self-reflection and rest. I’ve been catching up on my blog-reading, flipping through books on my exam topics and paganism, unpacking, planning walks & watching comedy shows, applying for a masters course and drinking a lot of tea.
My twitter feed is 80% inspirational/motivational people; those whose blogs have inspired me or whose cause I believe in. The links to blog posts this week have been really amazing.
In fact, one theme keeps appearing all over the place; one topic keeps getting blogged about this week, and it relates to capacity.
I’ve been in a restless state for about 5 months now. I’m unable to sit idle. Even while watching television, I have to be playing solitaire or holding my tea cup. It’s not a compulsion to do; as I can be writing a blog/paper for university; with books open to refer to and five papers open – I can’t even work to music anymore: I need to have a movie on; need to have movement, sound and emotions alongside my essay or blog.
It’s almost as though I’ve reached a stage of needing to overload my senses. Typing isn’t enough. I need to see pictures moving, hear noise and be moving my hands; all at once. It’s not a compulsion to be consistently DOING; as long as I’ve a lot to be taking in.
I can work on and off and sometimes I actually stop working even if the flow is good and I’m in the right zone: I’ll still break that good focus to play a card game. And then can’t get the focus back.
Is this physical outlet of worrying arousal?
Goddess Leonie talked about the physiological aspect of panic; something that as a Psychologist interested in the neuroscience of people’s behaviour, I felt I should have remembered.
Marissa discussed the busy-ness [business] everyone’s so into these days and how being around other busy people can affect it.
Like.. living in a student house with girls who’re doing dissertations and a master’s course and trying to earn money just to pay the rent alongside that?
So I’ve been burning essential oils, exercising outside and focusing on how much time I have to do everything. And stroking my cat. A lot.
However, I wonder if this is even a natural response. Could this in fact be a form of depletion? I can’t function yet I can’t take weeks off to delve into it and really explore and heal it.
Or could it be my self-beliefs? I wake each morning exhausted from 5 hours of nightmares; eat junk food, sit around feeling tired but not doing anything to change it, exercise because it releases anger/anxiety – but tires me out even more..
This is the down-side of being a virgo & psychology student – self-analysis until the object of focus is nothing but dust.
What would happen if I took responsibility for myself? If I decided that, No, this is NOT acceptable. What if I re-wrote my rules of governance?
Rules – a test run
Let’s re-discover the Book of Me and set some boundaries. It seems I’m good at limiting myself.
For the next week; let’s try burning essential oils everyday, opening the damn window, daily shivanata/yoga/reiki, dance, gratitude lists, VPAs and maybe invite Elizabeth and Sonja round for tea in my cottage.
So my measurable goals for the next week – Monday to Friday are:
– write either a gratitude list or letter a day
– burn oils for at least 30 minutes a day
– 30 mins of soul-exercise [dance, reiki, yoga, shivanata]
– Write a VPA for the week, and maybe Wednesday too?
– Connect with bloggers and twitter friends – read & comment on their blogs
Do you suffer from restlessness or anxiety and have some tips to share?