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Last week, I had a fabulous call with Gina, where we discussed my fears around being seen. We discussed my emblazing light and my motivation to inspire and guide others.

The Lighthouse

It was through this call that I discovered not just a light; but a spaciousness that comes with it. And it came in the form of a lighthouse. This seemed to reflect every aspect of my current definition – from lighting my room in the dark mornings so that I’ll get out of bed, to my old persona of being a mermaid who loved a sailor (a previous metaphor I used).

Yesterday, I was sitting in my meditation class and I thought about the sunlight that was streaming through the trees and resting on my face. I had warm feet and a warm face; while the rest of my body was in shade from the canopy. And I thought of the lighthouse; the light upon my face and the light upon the doorway.

The Safe Room

In the call with Gina, I discovered that my fear-of-being-seen was sitting on the balcony of the lighthouse; the walkway where the light can be changed.

And I sat next to it; and we watched the ocean together. A moment of stillness settled over us and I felt the peace; the wind drop to a whisper.

And I realised that I have the space.

Havi talks over at the Fluent Self about the Safe Room; and in my head; I’ve pictured this rounded room with sofas and a double bed and walls lined with books… and a cat.

Yet, I can’t access it – it’s just a room and I grew up in a house where I wasn’t safe in ym own room.

I realised that I have a pattern and a fear of rooms; even though I’d made it round to remove it’s scary corners for things to lurk in – I realised I was terrified of the image I created to be my safe room.

This is interesting; because when I first moved into the blog-home I’m in now; I had to return to that house where I never feel safe. And I created the cottage; where Josiane and Elizabeth came round for tea.

And it seems that my new safe room is a balcony overlooking the ocean;’ at the top of a lighthouse.

The New Fears Arise

“You’re afraid of heights.”

Oh., Yes. How can we make this safe, despite its height?

The railings: There are white painted railings; covered in climbing plants and flowering vines.

A net: There’s a little platform under the balcony; so if you fell over the edge; you’d be safe.

The window seat:    (I’ve always wanted a window seat) – it’s a little plinth I can sit on; and rest my arms on the top of the railings. I’m sitting down, the bottom of the rails is solid so I can’t see down – just out. Out and over to the ocean waves.

Any other comments? We can always redecorate it as needed.

-silence-. Anxiety has fallen asleep against the stone wall.

And here we rest in the quiet; awaiting sunset when the lamp will be lit.

In light,

Rose

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