2013: The Year I Became a Writer First

Tags

1-4, 13/4, 3/2/1, decluttering, novel, obod, paganism, plans, reflection

In March, I had the sudden idea that of these seven attempted novels, I kind of love three of them, and maybe I should begin looking at this whole… writing thing… in more detail.

I ended up with a website, new blog, and creating a 120,000-word edited draft. I also stopped blogging here, in order to blog twice a week over at that one. If you haven’t seen my writing ramblings and want to, here’s the link: K R Green

~

Now it’s December. I moved into a new flat two days ago, and I’m evaluating my year.

It looks like a year ago, I decided to focus on the same things I’ve been focusing on for about 4 years, just using different words:

Food, clutter, strength and learning.

But in the last year I also had to work out how to be an adult. I started driving five days a week.  I now had a 9-5 job, five days a week. I have no close friends or family even living in the same county. Around April-May time, I accidentally stopped eating. I couldn’t meditate. By September, I stopped attending my social and spiritual groups, including writing groups.

Writing has been my only constant in a world of uncertainty.

But next year I want to bring a little bit of my real life back into my world; not just the fantasy ones I create.

~

2014 is just around the corner. 

I’m not sure yet what I want to do with this coming year. However, what I do know is that there are a lot of changes ahead.

Did I mention that I got engaged in July? If not, then that happened, and planning for moving house, possibly jobs and then wedding/hand-fasting planning is all on the cards for 2014.

1 . De-cluttering

So ~ if you’ve been following my previous blogs, you’ll not be surprised to learn that de-cluttering is back up to the top of my list. I moved into a new flat two days ago, and it took 4 car-loads on Saturday, and then around 7 car-loads including the furniture on Sunday. My parents, who arrived around 8:30am Sunday, didn’t leave until 9:30pm.

Moving in with the O.H. sometime around August, therefore, means I need to probably get rid of about 50% of what I have currently. And I need to try to persuade him to de-clutter at his end, which will be interesting…

2 . Spirit

This year, I’ve completely shut off from my spiritual practises. The closest I’ve come to any connection with my beliefs is that I finally bought a lovely little Buddha statue for my altar; having spent around four years looking for one that spoke to me. It actually made me laugh that after that wait, I found one that is close to perfect for how I visualise Buddha – and ended up finding it in Evolution for £2 with it’s own “gift bag” complete with stereotypical images of pebbles and sand…

But he’s lovely and serene.

I really want to get back into my OBOD course and to get at least a vague once-a-week meditation practise back. Or even just re-connect with the Gods again by chatting to them every now and again. When I found Paganism, the first thing I did was balance out prayers asking for things with prayers of thanks. But one of the key aspects of Paganism that fit for me was the imminent/manifest aspects of deity. This isn’t a lofty God watching from a cloud; it’s a man stood beside me offering me a pint as I moan about things.

And I miss that cautious friendship I began to foster with my deities.

3 . Routine

My job enables me to build my own diary to some extent. If I book to see a family at 9am in Crawley, I leave early to get there. If a family wants to wait until 10am because they need to clean the house and eat breakfast after the school run, and they live nearby, I leave a bit later.

But this means I’ve lost my morning routine, which impacts my bedtime routine. And a sleep-deprived Rose is a grumpy Rose.

4 . Writing

Finally, I want to officially set myself some goals for writing. I’ll outline these in detail on my writing blog in January, but essentially, I want to be seeking agent representation by August, in time for FantasyCon 2014.

So that’s my goal list for 2014, now named the “1-4”:

1 – Remove items and minimise bringing new ones into my life.

2 – Chat to the Gods.

2 – Complete more of OBOD.

2 – Meditate where possible.

3 – Wake at 7am each morning. Maybe 7:30 at weekends.

4 – Meet writing goals for 2014.

4 – Continue to strive for the annual “Read 26 books” challenge.

What sort of goals do you have for 2014?

2012 Word Breakdown: I. Connecting to Space

Tags

13/4, blazing-crusade, breaking habits&labels, connect, dancing-with-limitation, fitness, nature, plans, potential

It’s January. Last year, I did a 3/2/1 recap. This year, I’ll be doing a similar thing at the end of the month with my outcomes for month 1 and the plans for month 2.

For this first month though, I’ll be talking a little more about my four focus attributes: space, legacy, emotion and practise.

 

I. Connecting to Space

Practical goals such as budgeting, exercise, healthy food, exploring minimalism, keeping space for spirituality and sleep are interesting in terms of a student who straddles two bedrooms but no external house-space.

 

The Goal of Space

Connecting to Space is a major goal of mine this year, and covers my bedroom/living space, getting outside to explore the land and my bodily space; what I feed it, how I treat it and how I sleep.
My bedroom in my parents house is my only “me-space” – the only space which has my belongings in it. I think the cabinet in the living room has a statue I made when I was 3 and a porcelain doll which I wasn’t trusted to keep safe as a young child; but all my living items are upstairs; in this medium-sized room.
At university, it’s a similar story – one room holds a study, exercise space, ritual space and a bedroom, all encompassed within a room smaller than my home bedroom.

No wonder I can’t get rid of half the stuff… a lot of it would live in a living room if I had one.

 

So this year, I want to streamline, to minimalise, to find the right amount of stuff that will keep me happy but make my rooms pleasant and easy to find things in.

 

Again, being a student, I have a load of crap I won’t need once I’ve graduated (unless I get into the PhD in which case it’ll all be bundled up once more and taken to a new tiny study/bedroom –sigh–), but can’t yet part with as I’m still using it.

However, I’m looking at getting rid of the junk freebies from first year and clearing the floor space around my desk so that the carpet is clear and usable again (I like to dance and do exercise; both of which have caused injury as I’ve trod on a plug or broken something underfoot).

 

Sacred Space

This process should then leave me a space to sit and meditate, a space to place candles and incense, and a space to just keep clear to make the room feel spacious. I can put down soft cushions or just put images on that part of wall and sit/lie beside it.

 

I’d like to set up a proper altar I can use for my pagan practise. And then use it regularly.

 

Outer Space

I’m a Pagan who dreamt of being a wildlife camerawoman, who painted landscapes each time the school holidays arrived and who wants to work with birds of prey…

And I know nothing about this land; the plants which grow here, the animals which live here and the history of the areas.

 

I want to connect with the trees, to climb the hills and photograph the flowers. Once a fortnight will be my beginning goal; spend 30 minutes each two weeks outside, dedicating space to the outdoors.

 

Bodily Space

Then we have my body; where food and exercise come in. I want to keep my brain going with knowledge and my mind healthy in terms of well-being; and then eat fresh foods and get the right amount of sleep and exercise. That alone can be a massive job, let alone as part of four separate foci this year.

I want to cut down on the processed foods; on chocolate and crisps, instead turning to healthier alternatives and getting my body used to gaps between meals. I want to get a good exercise routine going, and to keep my sleep and brain as healthy and effective as possible.

If you’ve been following my blog for long, you’ll know I’m both a fussy eater, and terrified of weight loss. I want to have energy and be healthy, but I mustn’t lose ANY weight as I’m still technically “underweight” according to the BMI measures and despite eating well over 2500 calories a day in chocolate, potatoes, marzipan, nuts and actual meals.

However, I am going to try and shift my unhealthy eating habits; but do so with a vigilant eye on the scales (once a fortnight).  I’ll be making pasta salad and ham or marmite sandwhiches for lunches, re-heating rice (zomg, no!) and taking my own flasks of green tea into University.

 

So I’m starting with some little rules to guide my new year in terms of food:

–          Protein every day, three forms a week (three types of meat or one meat, quorn & vegetable protein).

–          Potatoes!!! At least once a week on average!

–          Pasta more than pizza

–          No more than £20 a week on general upkeep (two big shops a term will go over this)

–          Use up that crap in the cupboards!!!

–          Make own puddings for “sweet treats”

–          butter + basil on sweetcorn, toast or potatoes as a “savoury snack”

–          dried banana, canned peach slices, tinned pineapple and sultanas in everything (cereal, snacks, puddings, lunch?)

 

This of course stretches to other bodily actions though, such as for exercise:

–          daily physio

–          daily stretches

–          daily arm exercises

–          twice weekly shivanata

–          weekly dance

–          fortnightly walks in nature

 

Then in terms of sleep; get to bed by 10:30pm and TV off by 11:45pm. I have a 9am start on Thursdays this term; while my earliest was 11am last year; so those times may alter slightly as I’ll be waking at 7am.

 

Finally, I have a few brain exercises to keep myself in the scholar mindset, to ensure a continued flow of neuronal messengers (the more you use, to more produced) and of course, so I can learn as much as possible this year:

–          mentally add up products around supermarket

–          read a book a fortnight

–          Shivanata every 2-3 days

–          colour code lecture notes

–          watch 3 educational/informational programs a week

–          study OBOD gwersi weekly (even if only one page a week)

 

So those are my goals in terms of space. Next time I’ll cover the aspect of Legacy and what heritage means to me this year.

In light,
Rose|

The 2011 Recap

Tags

3/2/1, blazing-crusade, breaking habits&labels, dancing-with-limitation, Insights, plans, potential, processing, reflection

It’s winter, cool and quiet. These are the few days of rest to reflect and refresh. I enjoyed the recaps of 2011 and planning for 2012 by Dianne Sylvan and Sonja.. so here’s my update.

What Did I Plan For 2011?

I aimed for Strength, of mind, body and spirit (and later money).

I had a lot of issues picking the word for my previous year, and the ease of Strength turned out to be the best for me, despite my perception of it’s “lack of eloquence”.

Each month I spoke about three areas; my energy levels in terms of meditation/yoga, food/sleep and exercise.

What Did I Manage?

Much like Dianne did, I’m just going to list my new/interesting moments of 2011, partly out of laziness and partly because you’ve probably read about most of them in the monthly catch-up posts.

• I began a new blog.
• I wrote another novel and began a second.
• I met Chucky twice during his 6 month stay in Europe.
• I saw my sister witch Erin for three days (met her in October 2010)
• I left the volunteering job I felt uncomfortable in and began a new position.
• I spoke at two conferences on behalf of a project the Mental Health Foundation and the Paul Hamlyn Foundation run.
• I got a new camera and a new phone.
• I made apple crumble.
• I attended my first festival: Buddhafield festival, and worked in the café.
• I began teaching Shivanata, and then began teaching it via Skype too.
• I began the OBOD bardic grade home-study course and initiated myself as a bardic druid (or whatever the PC term is), seven and a half years after my self-dedication to my pagan journey in 2004.
• Began doing campus tours
• Attended courses on Child Protection, ASIST, Safeguarding Vulnerable Adults
• Got my second job (first paid summer job) cleaning
• Attended my first group Lughnasadh and Yule rituals (and began to take part in the blessing of the circle and speaking parts)
• Graduated from my BSc in Psychology with merit
• Began my MSc in Cognitive Neuroscience
• Attended a six-week course in Anger Management
• Visited a couple of Celtic and Pagan monuments; Maiden’s Castle, Old Sarum,Stonehenge
• Wrote two small e-books (on Mental Health and Synapses)
• Applied for a Doctorate course
• Had two job interviews
• Attended training for one of them
• Began helping out at the six-week anger management courses
• Attended Witchfest International

The Breakdown of 2011

“I wait for this change and dream of being a skilled, strong woman. Yet make little move to increase strength or skill.

To know the herbs and trees, to track the wild and to have basic strength. To have knowledge to help, heal, teach or advise is likely my motivation. 

I strengthen my arms and legs, meditate and dance to train mind-body connection and read to strengthen my mind alone. Yet I fair not well in exams nor written work. I enjoy it, yet without true work.

I understand the power of the mind and of language, yet cease to put in the work to change habits. Nothing comes easy, yet my life’s been one of idleness.”

I wrote that over a year ago – when trying to fathom my need for this attribute.

As my word of the year, Strength, got forgotten, I found myself focusing on the main attributes I wanted to see in myself – mainly illuminated from gaming and the books I’ve read this year.

I want to be the Forestwife and the Moon Dancer; the woman who knows the plants and the properties, the sneak and the skills of battle and of worship (Theresa Tomlinson); who can heal the sick and ail the people’s pain. I want to be strong enough to stand up for myself, to no longer be afraid of the dark (The Hogfather). I want the confidence in my own strength an abilities to practise my skills (Oblivion/Skyrim). I want to be the advisor, the medicine woman, the communities’ first port of call.

This year, I wanted to find strength. Physically, mentally, spiritually. I searched through yoga, shivanata and meditation to find spiritual strength. I began the OBOD course, sought connection and routine. I found prayer and ritual.

I focused on mental awareness and energy; on food and sleep. And I found that I enjoy exercise, I enjoy feeling that if I end up reliving either of the two situations which I wasn’t strong enough to fight, now I could. I probably wouldn’t win a fight with a strong, tall, intent person. However, I would lash out, I would breathe. I would try talking. I wouldn’t freeze up in tears. I could change my decisions, and maintain a small amount of control.

(and that’s all you need, sometimes).

I can put myself into that state of meditation when faced with anxiety and can strengthen my mental shields when I feel that I need that feeling of security; whether there’s any truth to the energy-manipulation or not.

So that was this year. Strength-seeking, mind-manipulating and energy-exciting. As for next year?

I’ve just about decided upon next year’s word and aims; will post about them after Christmas.

Have a wonderful holiday all,

In light,

Rose

 

Redefinition: a Child Becomes a Priestess

Tags

decluttering, enchantress, metaphor, paganism

For me, language is key.

I keep writing posts about how language is EVERYTHING. Yet most of them never get published because.. I don’t even know why.

Our perception of life, of ourselves, or our environments; outer and inner – of actions, thoughts, feelings, and the notion that circles are round is based on language.

Changing the label of a raised-heartbeat-sensation from “fear” to “excitement” alters our outlook on the situation, our feelings and our flow of ideas. Saying we can’t do something stops us trying to our fullest; thus we don’t manage it.

Language is life.

Personality

I speak about this regularly in my search for a metaphor within my life. In my current state; a twenty-year old women who was raised to believe that anger solves everything, all calm people are weak, tears will kill & that people are not trustworthy; I cannot learn to be compassionate from this vulnerable child state. From here I build my warrior’s heart into a flaming fire of passion, of soul.

For peace, compassion and patience I invoke my strength; and I separate her.

She is the priestess; an enchantress of fierce compassion. She is the mother-hawk who surfaces when my friends are hard on themselves; or being wronged. She is the voice of clarity who says “hey, don’t call yourself names; you’re perfect as you are!” She connects and she is community, soaring with insight and reaching for the thermals of potential.

Then I have the maiden-wolf; a young adult wolf within her pack; searching, seeking, teaching… she falters a lot but finds that resilience, the courage and with defiance, steps into the sun to face her fear; a snarl of acknowledgement that this will hurt; but fear shall not stop me from telling you I am strong.

I am the wise tigress; who knows about the quietude of silence, the strength in space and the ability to shield myself from the petty worries I hold on to. The value drops as I become her, infused with the knowledge that I am more than the progress I have or haven’t made; more than a blood-daughter of my parents. I am a sacred entity and I have knowledge, understanding and wisdom. I seek it as a wolf yet I teach it. I know.

 

Job Titles as Spiritual Direction

Acting from these spaces of a shape-shifting priestess gives me the empowerment that counters my fears. It keeps my vision intact when my old triggers arise.

For example, I’m afraid of the dark, which means that outdoor rituals in the evening make me a little jumpy and thus, I don’t relax into it that easily.

However, if I enter the circle as a Priestess of the Gods, a capable and wise Pagan enchantress; suddenly I feel that I can light candles with my mind and can invoke the warrior goddess Scathach should the dark conceal some enemy.

In a more mundane setting; as I pursue minimalism, I am a priestess looking at preparing my grove’s inner temple. How would a Pagan priestess’s desk look? She writes, reflects and reads. Thus she needs reading, writing and reflective items – thus pens, highlighters, pencils, notepads, laptop, tea, incense and.. that’s about it. So why have I got a belt here or a phone lead?

My chest of drawers surface should have candles, incense, hairbands, jewellery and nail varnish. Nothing more.  yet, the sentiment and “i-might-need-it” jumps in and I am once more a child defined by the items I’ve grown up with. This is the current surface:

Overall, I’m a vulnerable child clinging to memories; but taking a breath, invoking the Goddess of Sanctuary, Nemetona and stepping into the character of a sacred priestess of the Gods.

The Practise

Through this practise of giving myself a job title; I’m able to do the job to the specifications of that desire. If my desire is peace, action needs to come from a place of that desire; from a picture in my mind of calmness, of tranquillity. Calling myself tranquil mediator and this a yoga studio means that I look at how well it will allow me to meditate and do yoga; not how well it will be a gymnasium.

At the end of the exercise today, I’ve a chest of drawers surface that acts as my alter:

I feel more focused already.
What could you do if you redefined your personality?  Where would your focus be? What language do you use that holds you back?

How could you alter your perception to become more able?

Is your home a sanctuary?

In Light,
Rose

Spring Minimalism – Shelving, Bookcase & Clothes

Tags

decluttering

It’s coming up to spring here in the UK. This means I get on my minimalism horse and begin the whole planning a frugal lifestyle/de-clutter my belongings. If you’ve been following my twitter account, you may have seen the progress of this process, but here’s the overall list and images.

Why Now?

Those of you who were following my blog a year or two ago, you saw me clear out my closets of over 100 items of clothing. This year, I’ve halved it again! Now have 74 items here in my parents house; probably still 100 at university though.

This is my final year as an undergraduate student… I’m not coming home for more than a month in Summer and next year my terms will be longer so I won’t be home as much. This is my last chance to really pare my items down to a reasonable size.

The Progress: Week II

So.. my de-cluttered spaces so far include:

– the two shelves above my desk

– eight mini drawers – but these need a second round!

– desk top – getting in the habit of keeping it clear with just six items.

– bookcase – donated some books

– one box from under my bed – now housing stuff to donate

– my closets/drawers

* currently I’ve kept:

7 dresses

4 cardigans

6 shirts

3 ¾-length tops

3 skirts

29 tshirt

3 long-sleeved

1 pair shorts

5 hoodies

1 pair leggings

Karate Gi

1 strapless top

4 pairs jeans

dress-up cloak

1 poncho

bag of karate pads/breastplate

8 strap tops

4 pj bottoms

2 nightdresses

white trousers

black yoga trousers

 

Every time I added up the totals, I reach a different number; but I’ve released about 75 items and kept 70-90 items.

I have halved my clothing in 3 hours.

 

And this is the combined clutter for the two weeks:

Not Everything

However, I have clothes at university and one load-worth of clean washing drying downstairs. However, if I’ve washed it; I clearly use it. Same goes for my current clothes, PJs and items in my laundry basket.

Next step is to purge what isn’t used at University and then, some time I will bring all the clothes together. I’ve kept a number of all the different types of clothing I’ve kept and will see if the number I have at University added gives me too many of one item.

Are you spring cleaning? How do you go about it?

In light,
Rose