Word of the Year: Settle

Tags

13/4, 3/2/1, breaking habits&labels, seasons

I’ve got a couple of drafts here about what I did in 2013, and what I plan for in 2014. But actually, I don’t fancy sharing that right now.

Essentially, I had all these goals for 2012, and then again in 2013. After the success of 2011, I was so excited to continue the winning streak. But for some reason, I was pushing well beyond my comfort zone far too early on, and I’m now flailing for air.

For the last year, I had “star seeking”, but after March, I forgot all about them.

In 2.0.1.3 I aimed to –

~ Reduce excess: food & ‘stuff’  –  Not met. Junk food became my only food. Minimalism didn’t come into it.

~ Create: relaxation & exercise  –  I got myself to dance again by the end of the year, but otherwise, I missed out on this.

~ Bury myself in learning – I read a few books; but still haven’t reached my goal of 26 books. Four of the books I’m counting as read were novellas / half a book.

 

2014 is now on the horizon, so I picked another word; wondering if maybe I can keep it simple this time.

– I wanted a word to mean “fixed” because I spend about 40% of my life feeling that my experiences have broken me.

– A word to mean “not anxious”.

– A word to mean secure; in my home, myself, and my beliefs.

– A word not too physical this year – more spiritual.

– A word to be the antonym of “overwhelm”, which defined 2013 for me. Something comforting. Thought I’ve spent a lot of 2013 attempting to comfort myself. I’ve given up healthy eating, exercise and taken up tears.

~

Settle

~

I’m generally happy with my life, and know that I’m about to make many moves this year – house, from alone to a couple, possibly job, friendship circles and even possibly career change entirely. So I don’t feel at risk of “settling” in my ruts, or getting too stuck in my job, home etc.

So that’s the word for my next year.

I want to feel settled. As a co-habitee, in a new place, with a new job and planning a new future. Settled in the possibility of finally having a real family: just the two of us (for now).

Have you picked a word for the next year?

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Conversation: Compassion and Politeness

Tags

blazing-crusade, breaking habits&labels, catharsis, Insights, reflection, stormy seas, WorkingOnStuff

When did it become more important to be polite than compassionate?

I’ve spent the first 18 years of my life in an unsafe state; switching between anxiety, panic attacks and depression. At university and through this blog, I found supportive places.

I joined an online Native American Spirituality group who confirmed to me “no, that isn’t okay.” I made friends with people who believed in the power of positive thinking and even had a lovely card and bright magnet saying I was part of something good. I sought out yoga and meditation, took my vows of attempting pacifism through druidry and began a gratitude practise.

I offered my home and my listening ear to those who needed it, including people I didn’t like – because they deserve to be listened to – no matter what my feelings were for them.

~

Now I’m an adult. I have a job and a flat. I’m meant to have “more control” of my life. I’m meant to be polite and kind, to balance me-time with social-time and having been told for 18 years to SAY NO and Don’t Give In To Peer Pressure – suddenly I’m supposed to go to this party and you must eat that last cake and well they’re family so you have to.

People are different, and it’s about time this world actually thought about that.

How is it fair to put me through anxiety, anger and a sleepless night just because you enjoy something? When did it become unacceptable to politely decline? When did it become okay for people to make snide remarks about things that have always been so? They are some things I have never liked. To say I “suddenly” don’t like it now after 20-odd years of not liking it is not appropriate. And rude. And shows you’ve not cared enough to listen before.

I’m so tired of trying to dodge the “don’t be so politically correct” comments as if being equal and compassionate is something negative.

I’m sick of not being listened to because they’re already speaking over me. There’s that phrase from Fight Club about people who: “actually listen to you instead of just waiting for their turn to speak.” But I’m noticing more and more that they don’t even bother with that courtesy.

They talk over me. And they do it as if it’s not incredibly rude and demoralising. As if I’m not an adult with the same rights as them. 

It saddens me to think that even the people who can be understanding and talk about being caring don’t take the time to listen or think about why someone is saying no.

And it worries me that you can’t just say “no, thank you” any more.

If you ask me to JUSTIFY why I’m saying no, you need to find a new friend. Because it’s not necessary and not always appropriate. Especially if I then trust you with the answer and you then try to change my mind – pressure me into it. So just don’t ask.

Is this just me? Or is this actually something important we need to be addressing? What’s more important – compassion or social-acceptability? 

I know which I value more.

2013: The Year I Became a Writer First

Tags

1-4, 13/4, 3/2/1, decluttering, novel, obod, paganism, plans, reflection

In March, I had the sudden idea that of these seven attempted novels, I kind of love three of them, and maybe I should begin looking at this whole… writing thing… in more detail.

I ended up with a website, new blog, and creating a 120,000-word edited draft. I also stopped blogging here, in order to blog twice a week over at that one. If you haven’t seen my writing ramblings and want to, here’s the link: K R Green

~

Now it’s December. I moved into a new flat two days ago, and I’m evaluating my year.

It looks like a year ago, I decided to focus on the same things I’ve been focusing on for about 4 years, just using different words:

Food, clutter, strength and learning.

But in the last year I also had to work out how to be an adult. I started driving five days a week.  I now had a 9-5 job, five days a week. I have no close friends or family even living in the same county. Around April-May time, I accidentally stopped eating. I couldn’t meditate. By September, I stopped attending my social and spiritual groups, including writing groups.

Writing has been my only constant in a world of uncertainty.

But next year I want to bring a little bit of my real life back into my world; not just the fantasy ones I create.

~

2014 is just around the corner. 

I’m not sure yet what I want to do with this coming year. However, what I do know is that there are a lot of changes ahead.

Did I mention that I got engaged in July? If not, then that happened, and planning for moving house, possibly jobs and then wedding/hand-fasting planning is all on the cards for 2014.

1 . De-cluttering

So ~ if you’ve been following my previous blogs, you’ll not be surprised to learn that de-cluttering is back up to the top of my list. I moved into a new flat two days ago, and it took 4 car-loads on Saturday, and then around 7 car-loads including the furniture on Sunday. My parents, who arrived around 8:30am Sunday, didn’t leave until 9:30pm.

Moving in with the O.H. sometime around August, therefore, means I need to probably get rid of about 50% of what I have currently. And I need to try to persuade him to de-clutter at his end, which will be interesting…

2 . Spirit

This year, I’ve completely shut off from my spiritual practises. The closest I’ve come to any connection with my beliefs is that I finally bought a lovely little Buddha statue for my altar; having spent around four years looking for one that spoke to me. It actually made me laugh that after that wait, I found one that is close to perfect for how I visualise Buddha – and ended up finding it in Evolution for £2 with it’s own “gift bag” complete with stereotypical images of pebbles and sand…

But he’s lovely and serene.

I really want to get back into my OBOD course and to get at least a vague once-a-week meditation practise back. Or even just re-connect with the Gods again by chatting to them every now and again. When I found Paganism, the first thing I did was balance out prayers asking for things with prayers of thanks. But one of the key aspects of Paganism that fit for me was the imminent/manifest aspects of deity. This isn’t a lofty God watching from a cloud; it’s a man stood beside me offering me a pint as I moan about things.

And I miss that cautious friendship I began to foster with my deities.

3 . Routine

My job enables me to build my own diary to some extent. If I book to see a family at 9am in Crawley, I leave early to get there. If a family wants to wait until 10am because they need to clean the house and eat breakfast after the school run, and they live nearby, I leave a bit later.

But this means I’ve lost my morning routine, which impacts my bedtime routine. And a sleep-deprived Rose is a grumpy Rose.

4 . Writing

Finally, I want to officially set myself some goals for writing. I’ll outline these in detail on my writing blog in January, but essentially, I want to be seeking agent representation by August, in time for FantasyCon 2014.

So that’s my goal list for 2014, now named the “1-4”:

1 – Remove items and minimise bringing new ones into my life.

2 – Chat to the Gods.

2 – Complete more of OBOD.

2 – Meditate where possible.

3 – Wake at 7am each morning. Maybe 7:30 at weekends.

4 – Meet writing goals for 2014.

4 – Continue to strive for the annual “Read 26 books” challenge.

What sort of goals do you have for 2014?