Insights – Asking for Help

Tags

breaking habits&labels, Insights, WorkingOnStuff

This week I’m forgoing the VPA because on Wednesday I did something astounding. Get ready to applaud…

After meditation, I took my teacher aside and asked if he could talk me through the Buddhist view of attachment in relation to my own situation.

Yes; ladies, gentlemen and penguins, I asked for help. Not just typing on my blog and twitter but speaking to a human; face-to-face and admitting I needed a hand.

Our focus during meditation was the Four Noble Truths. We discussed conditionality – how through condition A, condition B arises (e.g. Dukkha/suffering). I’d heard this teaching before – both in previous lessons and through my own study. However, something hit a chord this time and I suddenly saw light on how I’m dealing with separation.

I realized that only through my desire for things to be different, was I suffering.

When I thought “He’s going away, I’m going to have fun; we’ll meet back up with amazing stories and that wonderful feeling of re-connection (no longer annoyed with fate for “taking him”). Once I decided I was looking forward to connecting with the “experienced-changed-him” and focused on the wonderful connection we already have; I noticed that somewhere in that hour, my anxiety over his trip had just… dissipated.

I could look on the next 3 months as a chance for him to learn and experience, and for me to read and paint and really embrace myself and my life as it is. I’m incredibly lucky and most of the time, I love my life – I have this thirst for waking each morning and I feel accomplished a couple of nights a week.

As a Buddhist, I would be content with this [though we were reminded that doesn’t have to involve passivity if things need changing] and be happy to go with the flow- to accept and trust that this is an opportunity for something wonderful.

My logical and practical mind then set in; monsters’ abound, so I set up some more practical steps:

–          I can sing every day, perhaps get my keyboard back out and have a play.

–          I’ll be able to watch Disney movies and continue de-cluttering my room.

–          I mentioned it to my friend on Monday and she suggested we go on a mini road trip for a couple of days.

–          I can dance ShivaNata style

–          I’ll be free to read- to really get engrossed in my books on Buddhism, The Celestine Insights, NLP & The Field/Biology of Belief. I can even re-learn some of my Quantum Physics material and rediscover Native American Spirituality.

I’m in a new situation and now I have independence; yet I’m still using my old coping mechanisms and habits. I live with students yet I’m still living the way I would with my parents. I’m content to spend a couple of weeks without seeing my other half; yet the moment I focus on double that time, I fall apart in old fears; forgetting I’m now able to be alone.

I’m intrigued that a couple of weeks ago I asked for help – asking that my monsters don’t rise during my exams [which start on Tuesday], and asking that I sleep well and am “able to cope” with the situation as it is.

I’m not quite sure how aware I’ll stay – I think that remembering this insight is what will challenge me most. It’s looking very unlikely I’ll see him before he goes now; but thanks to that insight, I’m currently feeling okay with it. I am capable and this is one of the skills I asked for. And I hope that if I lose sight of that, I’ll be capable of calling upon my metaphors.

It’s not a loss, but a neutral action which will bring experiences; all of which I can learn from.

In Strength,
Rose.

VPA # 3 – The Patience of Patterns

Tags

vpa

Exams are approaching and my doubts have set in. I’ve not even been writing blogposts-ill-never-post. My writing has, effectively, come to a halt. In the last 6 years, I can’t name a day I didn’t do some form of therapeutic writing, until now. Anyway, I’m a bit behind with my new tradition [it’s not really traditional if I keep missing it] so lets get back on track.

This week, I’m asking for patience and destuckification.

The Background: 
I have a million small things to do. Baby steps for my own sweet, little thing.
I also currently  have much bigger, scarier MUST-DOs coming up. I have exams I need to pass and coursework I need to complete. And because of those things; the very idea of stopping to work on a little thing sparks guilt and worry. I am currently a big ball of anxious.

Here’s what I want:
– I want to get these things [both big and small] done in good time, with as little stress as possible.
– I want to find the windows of time and use them well: That little gap where I’m waiting for the kettle to boil or stopping to have a stretch.

Ways this could work:
-Shiva Nata.
-I could wake early – feeling alert and ready to tackle a task.
-Good night’s of sleep
-Taking a breath and just going for it
-Multitasking
-Having a smaller thing suddenly fall into place

My commitment.
-To be open to new ideas.
-To work with a friend.
-To dance it up.

And the second for this week: Destuckification

Here’s what I want:
This week I noticed a pattern I have about finishing projects. I noticed a lot of resistance and labels.
– I want to learn more about this pattern, so I can reform it as a healthier habit.

Ways this could work:
-Shiva Nata!!
-Meditation.
-Finishing small tasks and reflecting on how I feel

My commitment.
-To dance it up, to keep writing about it, to keep moving forward.
-To be patient if I have to move slowly.

An Update
My previous VPA is still in-progress, though I’ve survived week 1/14. I got a good night’s sleep, which was part of my ask. Many thanks to the powers who answer these.

And those are my asks for the week. What would you like answered this week?
~Rose

A Link Edition: Depression

Tags

WorkingOnStuff

Working on my Stuff: A Link Edition: Depression

I’ve had major resistance to posting about my personal life, but it’s through adversity that we learn, and I want to teach help you through your own. Please be respectful with this post.

I’ve spent much of the past week jumping between high motivation and that edge of depression I haven’t seen for years.

And I’ve been wonderfully supported via Twitter and Email, especially by Sonja and Elizabeth; who have gone out of their way to give me advice and lend a listening ear.

 Resources

And in these times I’ve also reached for the ever-reliable Havi Brooks for common sense solutions and a sympathetic kick-start. I guess she’s been a resource of strength, because I didn’t know what else to do.

This week, she wrote a post of Havi-style business advice that had so many useful links in it, I spent 3 hours straight surfing (as you might notice by the amount of linkage here). I read and absorbed all that intellectual knowledge (application is the hard part, I find) and found myself in a place of support and self-belief.

She reminded me that:
* you can trust (certain) others to keep you afloat when you can’t seem to tread water
* the secret to success = perseverance + working on your stuff
* it’s possible to heal deep-seated hurt
* it’s never personal
* there is time. It’s okay not to own the procrastination-dissolve-o-matic-thingmy, even though I’m impatient and I want it; I can take my time
* I can (potentially) find value in every moment
* naming things totally helps
* one thing is enough

And in that final post, I found a link to Buddhism.

Conditionality

Havi writes: “Some one things work faster than other one things. But it’s not about trying to find the right one thing, because all the little one things add up anyway.”

This week in the Buddhist Ideas course I’m co-running, we looked at conditionality. We looked at the example of how Stress could be conditioned by:

–          deadlines

–          expectations

–          poor health

–          lack of exercise

–          lack of sleep

–          feelings overwhelm

–          rumination

–          bad relationships

–          not-enough-time

–          etc.

And we discussed how removing any ONE of those things, would make an impact. Without that extra stressor; our stress would diminish. Then we talked about how some of those link in. Thus, by exercising, we increase health [thus removing those two from the list].

Doing one thing really is worth it. And this week, I got out of bed as soon as my alarm went off on 4/5 mornings, and I got dressed. I drank water and I didn’t worry if I missed breakfast or didn’t wash my hair. I had a gentle cup of tea, and I did one thing at a time.

And I made it; it’s Saturday. That’s all that matters.

P.S. Apologies to Havi. You’re just so awesome. I love stalking your old posts, because they make me feel supported and understood. Thank you.

Comment Zen: This is my own process, we all have stuff, and please be respectful. Thankies.

Finding My Wings

Tags

breaking habits&labels, potential, shivanata, soar, vpa

Unfurl those wings, baby.

I’m writing blog posts but they’re never making it here. About how I’m writing a sales page [without a product/service] and how I made my ShivaNata practise harder and how I’m writing love letters to my degree.

I’m fighting my conditioning (both in the Buddhist sense and the Psychological one) and discovering some really awesome techniques for re-writing those patterns within my own routines.

I had a mini-breakthrough this week about my career-direction. I want to help young/adults with psychological issues. That’s everything from mental issues and trauma to re-writing their inner dialogues and their relationships with themselves, time, others and work.  And I’ve made some headway on the best ways to begin that process.

Reach from the chrysalis.

I’ve a course this weekend and I’ve a verbal confirmation for a job for next summer. I applied for the position for this year and the organiser rang me to say something along the lines of:

“While you’re in university; in two different places with so many other things going on, it’s not going to be easy for you or for us but PLEASE DON’T BE DISCOURAGED, please I’m not rejecting you; we want people like you!!!!!!”

And my response was along the lines of: “awww, oh gosh she feels so bad and she’s really not happy about this”.

I asked if I were to apply again this time next year; when I’d be in one town for at least a year.

 “oh yes that would be wonderful, we’d love that – you’ve got all the right stuff”.

She went out of her way to make sure, as a rejected candidate, didn’t take it personally/ feel too bad about it. I totally see their point and I will re-issue my application next year. And I did what I could to reassure her in return, that I wasn’t discouraged and that I understood her position. That’s a wonderful thing.

Stretch and flutter.

So I’m writing a sales page for now; and I’m also drafting in phrases I’ll be able to use next year, like an updated version – including things both planned “I will have done X course” and things I wish would happen but can’t see how they would do so “I’ve got experience in Y situation”.

In effect, I’m hoping the future-page will act as a VPA and bring around those i-can’t-see-how circumstances; and hopefully with as little suffering (cue:Buddhist term) as possible (traumatic events often bring around side-benefits like these, but I’d like no more trauma, thanks.). [That’s my way of saying “I’m willing and ready to learn what I need to learn … in the least painful way possible.”, please don’t take that comment personally.]

Soar. 

What’s in the way of your dreams? How could you bring them about?

What would you write on your own sales page for where you are and what skills you could offer? How would it look in 5 years time?

May you Soar.
In light,
Rose

VPA #2 – A New Tradition

Tags

catharsis, stormy seas, vpa

Some of you may remember that a few weeks back I posted a VPA (Very Personal Ad). For those who don’t know, this is an exercise I do over at Havi’s blog, The Fluent Self. As a bid to learn about asking for help, and because I’ve had success in my previous couple of asks; I’m writng these weekly. Because I love how she puts it, I’m going to copy the blurb from her own VPA with her explanation of the practise:

“Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.

So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual. Yay, ritual!”

 Although I’m a somewhat private person, for me, this blog is about finding sovereignty and being authentic, so I’ve decided I may make this a ritual of mine too.

This week, I’m going into more detail on the Ad I posted in Havi’s comments.

 The Background:
I saw my other half this weekend, and that was wonderful. We’ve gone from seeing each other five days a week to one weekend every 4-5 weeks.
There’s a new shift upcoming, and it’s going to happen during some pretty important exams.

He’s taking what are in effect, finals – though he’s only half way through his degree. I’m taking exams which will amount to half my degree. Those run from now to July 13^th. And then he’s off to Cambodia for a month placement.

It’s quite likely I won’t see him now until 17^th August. And that fact really doesn’t sit comfortably with me.

           Exams are hard.

                      Exams + Separation = Harder

                                  Exams + Separation – Recovery = …

He’s flying alone (his first ever flight on an aeroplane & he gets travel-sick), then has 4 weeks in a foreign country (with disease and dangerous animals and etc etc) and then a flight back, also alone.

This Ad is very personal to me, and it’s for strength.

I need to access my patience, my trust, faith and support. I need to be there for him and I need to give him space to revise and plan.

Here’s what I want:
-I want to be able to spend the next three months without too much worry. I don’t want any monsters to show me the worst case scenario when it comes to his health and safety as we take University exams and then he flies half way across the world on placement for a month.
-I want to be able to sleep. I want to be able to get out of bed each morning not worried. I want to feel safe and supported and I want my abandonment monsters to be reassured (because I may not be strong enough to reassure them myself).
-I want to be able to cope with the 3.5 months away from him; without all that past-stuff taking over my life.

Ways this could work:
-Breathing. Crying. Dancing. Singing. Fruit & vegetables. Talking. Lots and lots of communication with trusted people. TRUSTING. Loving. Waiting. More breathing. Faith.

-People may send me random comments and notes with uplifting/supportive content.

-I can look at photographs of us and remember the wonderful times – I can look back at the obstacles we’ve overcome before and remember that this is just one more obstacle.

-I can remember that we already spend weeks apart, 14 is going to be difficult, but it isn’t impossible. I know people who’ve had to go 6-12 months without seeing their other half. People do survive it and I’m lucky to even have him in my life in the first place.

-I’ll remember that there is still the possibility I’ll get to see him the week before his flight. There’s still hope. In fact this VPA could work by making sure we have a day together before his flight in July.

My commitment.
-To try my best at accepting help when offered.
-To ASK for help when I need it (like posting this blog today, because today is Hard)
-To trust him– he’s sensible and healthy. He can take care of himself.
-To be honest with myself about how I am feeling.
-To revise for my exams despite wanting to curl up in a ball and cry (even more).
-I won’t talk negatively to myself when I do cry.
-To listen and to breathe as best I can.

I need to be strong enough to get on with it. I need to revise and finish this coursework. I need to pass my exams. I need to fuel my body with healthy foods and get enough sleep. I need to take care of myself.

This morning I had to fight to get out of bed; something I’ve not felt in a couple of years. This is my ad for strength, support, encouragement and courage.

This is Rose, asking for help.

Tuesday

Tags

druidry, Insights, shivanata

As I finally have a laptop [though it’s still unstable], I feel I should write a real post.  This is the term of revision, heavy coursework and exams. Nevertheless, I’ve a few spiritual days thrown in for good measure. I attended Anderida Gorsedd’s Beltain celebrations on Sunday, in the pouring rain where we had a blast. It was amazing fun as always, and I can’t wait to go back for Litha.  As with last year, I was given some Ogham, which this year, represent New Beginnings and Foresight . I look forward to the clarity and hope it kicks in during my exams.

This weekend I also got the Shmorian-Finding Workbook & listened to the call which had some pretty interesting ideas in it. I’ve been keeping up the challenge of daily ShivaNata and currently have post-it notes, phone draft texts and pages in my notebook of random patterns, musings and quotes.

I finished two books over the weekend and am back to reading one of my favourite Nora Roberts Trilogies.  I hope to be able to get back to a more regular schedule of posts, but that will depend on revision, exams, coursework, societies and technology.

Have a wonderful, safe week.

Rose