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Wings of Flight

~ …Emblazing brightness with enchantress Wings…

Monthly Archives: July 2010

Preparations for a Party: The Baby Shower

26 Monday Jul 2010

Posted by Rose in Adventure, Personal Notes

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

SoaringStore

I’ve mentioned this urge to provide a service. I’ve volunteered – on a youth panel, for a rehabilitation charity and in a charity shop. Yet I want to help in a personal way. I want to help people, not only institutions.

But what can I offer? What do people need?

Introducing my sweet, little thing

This is my sweet, little thing.  And I’ve swaddled her up in a mountain of baby blankets in the shape of password protection.

Today, I’m going to let you hold her. -takes a deep breath-

Whisper “wingbeat” into her ear, and she’ll open her arms and ask for a cuddle.
And we’d love it if you could give lots of support and toasts in her honour. There is wine and juice by the door. And help yourself to a flapjack or piece of fruit.

Support

Although it’s received a lot of support; I got cold feet and have cut down the page from four services to one; for now.  I’ve all four parts written up in preparation and a working (Thanks Ciaran for testing this!) paypal button.

I was lucky enough to read this wonderful post, just when I needed it. It reminded me that a new nymph, waiting for her wings to dry is a little unsteady – but we can offer a stable leaf and nourishment.

The Deal
I’ve also been in continuous communication with my main monster – “no one cares; it’s not needed”.

I made the deal with this monster, that I would open this blog post to comments – improvements, issues, possible orders and general questions. I’m also putting a simple request for loving wishes and interest.

 This is my sweet thing and she’s still fragile, but I’d love your suggestions as I’d like her to thrive- safe and well.

By the end of 2011, this page will contain four main services: Support, Guidance, Connection & Community.  

Questions I’d love some feedback on:
(either by twitter, email or comments on this post)

  • Should I offer the Silver Lining Cards on a different scale – perhaps 3 monthly?
  • Is there a silly spelling mistake anywhere?
  • Is anything unclear?
  • Would you be interested in this at a later date? Or now?

 And if anyone out there can help advise me on the insurance issues of providing long-distance Reiki or Tarot readings by email; please could you get in touch with me?

That’s the main thing holding me back on offering those services, and being in the UK, I’m finding it hard to find the legalities surrounding this.

Plans for 2011:
You are Not a Salmon
Reiki

Many thanks and enjoy the wine!

In Light,
Rose

Monsters at the Launch Party

19 Monday Jul 2010

Posted by Rose in Conversations, Very Personal Ads

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

breaking habits&labels, enchantress, vpa

I totally had the most amazing night.

Context

Saturday night, I shut down the laptop and went to bed by 1am. I was too tired to read or write – having been up since 7:30am. Cue 5am; still awake – haven’t slept. Have tried Shivanata [in body and mentally while lying down], meditating, reiki, counting stars and got no-where.

Panicpanicpanic. Not breathing. Chest compression. Suffocation.

Do Not Likey.  –whines-

Reiki

So, yesterday afternoon [after 4.5 hours of nightmare-filled-sleep] my friend came round. We walked to the local Harvester and shared a drink. We discussed self-employment, the housing market, moving abroad, New Zealand, self-sufficiency, how mental-Cambodia looks like Vietnam, paypal systems, tax returns, accountancy and even waitressing.

We walked back to my house and held a Reiki share. First, she lay down and I, having not practised for over a month, was forced to let my intuition guide [rather than following step-by-step instructions].

This was brilliant, as I tend to get caught up in instructions and miss key intuitions.

We did our Reiki I and II together – where I could barely scan her body- not feeling a thing [feeling a foooool, to be honest]. Yesterday? Results!

Not only did I sense the differences in her energy, but when she gave me a treatment, I could really feel it strongly.

So good to be connected with my body.

[Note: I spent the morning reading Hiro’s playbook for Sovereignty Kindergarten, so was on the look-out for connection].

Launching a Sales Page

And last night – despite a bit of writer’s block, I wrote some novel AND I had the most amazing insights into my habits and ways I could support myself and others. I blame the Reiki.

I spent 4 HOURS writing up a sales page- from scratch. I now have three headings of services I know I can offer – two from a distance and one in person that I can hopefully meld into a distance-service.

Now I need to work out the money side because, though I will continue to volunteer for free, my VPA asked for:

Pluses (We don’t have to have these things but we’d really like them)
It would be amazing if you gave me some form of foundation for supporting myself financially. Even if I couldn’t see how at the time. Perhaps you will lead to opportunities in a years time that then give me income. If I could gain substantial income from you. From loving you.

 

That possibility is here. So why not take it?

Enter the monster, stage-right.

Monsters

(Note: Havi of FluentSelf talks about what monsters are and how to treat them with love.)

 Today’s monster is the same one as usual. Today, however, I’m in a safe space. Let’s take out my slinky-summer notepad, where I’ve written to my monsters before (as part of the Shmorian Thing-Finding-Course).

In June I sat down with the workbook and I wrote an introduction speech to my monsters:

Rose: “I’d like to hear your views on my projects. Is there anything you need in order to support me?”

Today, I have a set of answers.

Some Doubts Surface

Monster: “You’re copying.”

Rose: “Any new idea is unlikely to be truly new. However, what I put into it is unique to me.”

Monster: “What can you really give? You’re a fraud.”

Rose: “How so?”

Monster: “You’re just a kid. You never finish what you start, you’re only doing this out of fear – you want a back-door in case you fail your degree; and you’re going to fail at the back-door which makes you so beyond useless.”

Rose: -deep breath-“Ouch. Okay. So you don’t want me to try this “back-door” because it’ll prove I’m a failure in EVERYTHING; compared to just my degree? I think we need to go into more detail. Right now, however, I’m feeling a bit hurt.”

Monster: “Can’t you see you set yourself up for failure so often that you now expect it? And it’s no surprise to everyone else, either. And now you expect it – you’re not surprised. Failure should hurt – else how will you ever succeed?!”

Rose: “I’m not sure how to answer that. Can we put a system in place where we wait until Toozday, when we find out the results, before getting too hung-up on the issue of failing the degree.”

Monster: “Your friends got the letter saying they passed already.”

Rose: “I live further away, and the post office isn’t the most reliable system. Plus, they may mark the exams in batches. I can’t change my results now anyway, and will survive doing re-sits if I need to. Can we go back to the issue of this back-door failing? Is there anything we could do to minimise that?”

Monster: “People will be disappointed in your work. Want their money back. Dislike you. Those who you copied the idea from will hate you.”

Rose: “What if I write a blog post which will link from the sales page – explaining how my services will differ from other products – and be incredibly concise on how it’s all from my heart; not meant to be hard-and-fast facts?”

Monster: “Hmm.. that would minimize the disturbance I guess.”

Rose: “And I could explain that I’ve seen X and Y and felt I could add Z to the mix; explain that I’ve been looking for the perfect transport for this gift, and have been inspired by X and Y. Giving the people credit would likely minimize stepping on/stealing their tiny, sweet thing.”

Monster: “Yes.”

Rose: “Anyone contacting me can voice their opinion, and I can express understanding, apologise that they feel that way, and then we could work together to find a compromise. If I post this conversation on that post and link to my email address at the bottom – then we can keep communication channels open and hopefully avoid hurting anyone.”

Monster: “That’s much better. I’m happier with the plan now. Though I still don’t think you’ll finish.”

Rose: “Okay, that’s allowed. I can set boundaries on a maximum number of clients fledglings at a time – set apart spaciously. I still need to sort out the whole tax-claim/setting up the paypal buttons anyway – which gives me time to refine the plans.”

Monster: “What if someone brings out their version of your product while you’re stalling? Waiting around for the tax issues- someone else could steal your audience and then you can’t publish your idea because they’ll think you’re copying them!”

Rose: “Okay, that’s a valid point. How about I put a brief outline here; posted now – and maybe show a trusted friend my sales page – so I have that witness-protection via visibility.”

Monster: “Hmm. Yes, okay. Who to trust though?”

Rose: “Someone who has been here: Elizabeth or Josiane maybe. Perhaps someone I trust to give me honest feedback: like Robin or Sonja.”

Monster: “Okay. You have my support.”

Rose: “Thank you. I understand you just want to help keep me motivated and safe. Let’s keep in touch.”

Monster: “If we must.”

 

The Credits

Keeping the word to said monster is important. Thus:

 +My email address is a.celestial.rose[at]gmail[dot]com

 +My currently-planned services list )with brief outline as to why it’s unique to me) includes:

–          Supportive Inspiration / Silver Lining Cards

  • Art, letters, postcards, poetry, quotes specific to you- includes small accomplishments that no-one else would think to congratulate you on.

–          You are Not a Salmon

  • Afternoon tea + Session of Reiki/tarot + brainstorming chance, based on Buddhism+Psychology+NLP+ShivaNata

–          Tarot Reading

  • 3-card
  • 5-card
  • 10-card
  • 11-card
  • 16-card [coming later than other services]

+ All of the above will be done to the best of my ability; from the heart and will of wanting to support you.

 +My maximum number of clients per month should be nine.

Thanks go to Elizabeth Halt for inspiring the perfect transport for the Silver Lining service. I wish I’d thought of it.

In Light,
Rose.

Visibility – Emotional Prose

17 Saturday Jul 2010

Posted by Rose in Personal Notes, Writing

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

breaking habits&labels, buddhism, enchantress, LiteratureLessons, novel, SlinkySummer, stormy seas

It’s 9pm. Usually, I’d see my partner sign in to our instant messenger and we’d catch up.

We’ve had a week without communication; this would be a large session. We’d talk about his exams and then his results. About how he’s feeling about Cambodia. About my trip to Cornwall – my photography, the swallow nest I filmed and the progress of writing 25 pages of novel material. About how the poem I entered into a competition has been short-listed. About how afraid I am about getting my results and seeing the dentist on Tuesday [thank you, fates, for that double-blow].

However, he’s on a plane.

He’s far out of my reach for another month.

I keep reminding myself: What’s four more weeks when we’ve just endured ten?

We’ve never, not been online for more than 2 weeks, and that was at University, where we had people to talk to and things to occupy our minds. I’ve no games on this laptop – it’s only on loan to me. Barely a tenth of my music and I’ve now got an hour a day to fill with only conversations with myself.

So I guess I’ll dedicate this time, to novel-writing. I’ve got the first 1/5th planned at least. I have motivated characters and the odd scene in my mind. I’ll allow myself to describe the scenery in poetic detail.

Tomorrow, I’m meeting up with a friend – the lady who did her Reiki I and II courses with me. I’m hoping a connection with that energy will help kick-start the process of being alone, yet sovereign. It’s too easy for me to fall into the conditionality of being a child here- in this house with only my parents for company.

I’m working on keeping myself whole. I plan to stay present. To remember my Buddhist training. To connect with friends often. To dance it up!

And the parts of me that hurt will just have to infuse my pages, and become nothing more than a simulation of a story.

In Light,
Rose.

Personal Notes- Vulnerability in Space

09 Friday Jul 2010

Posted by Rose in Personal Notes

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

SlinkySummer, stormy seas, WorkingOnStuff

Working on my Stuff: Lost in Spaciousness

I’ve had major resistance to posting about my personal life, but it’s through adversity that we learn, and I want to teach help you through your own. I also use this blog as a way of reaching out for support when I’m in need. Please be respectful with this post. This is totally un-edited, complete with tears and some moping. Apologies.

 Tonight, I have my final real-time conversation with other half. I saw him at the beginning of May, and shall see him again in August. These final 5/13 weeks will be spacious. He may be able to send one email a week. And if you’ve been around here, you’ll know I’m not particularly at-peace with the idea. I’ve cried and worried and I’m not sleeping.  

Attachment

I’m worried for his health and safety, yes. I want him to enjoy the opportunity and he’ll help so many people, which is wonderful.  I’m worried about how he’ll fare his final exam without my support.

Yet, on top of the obvious fear for him, I’m afraid for myself.

Afraid we’ll be too different when he returns. Afraid I’ll lose him in some way [and my mind has had some incredibly creative ideas as to how].

I’m worried about how he will cope without his evening star,
And of how I will cope the stormy seas without my lighthouse.

I have a week with my family, whom I don’t always get on well with. I get my exam results the following week and the week after that, it would be our 3.5 year anniversary. I have to find a job for Summer and deal with BBQs and family’s birthdays.

All of which I find stressful (minus our anniversary, which is just a shame we won’t be able to contact each other). I’ve been losing sleep over this massive ‘synchronicity of rubbishness’ for weeks now, and I’m run-down from it.

The risk of his being in a plane crash or killed by a poisonous snake should be remote (I assume). The likelihood he and I will be in a state of pain and anxiety for the next few weeks isn’t.

I’m sure if that’s selfish or not.

Regardless, I need to remember that I totally have a right to be feeling a bit down.

One day at a Time

For the next week, I won’t be able to turn to singing, my friends, gaming, my other half or junk food (eating). I’m going to have to eat out (don’t like) and sit on the beach (ouch) and cycle miles every day (yuck) and basically stifle my sovereignty. Great way to start the kindergarten off.

I hope I’ll be able to dance, write, meditate and read. Even if I have to do a lot of it after dark. I’ve books on plot, my novel so far (6,000 words), blog posts and workbooks.  I hope I’ll be able to throw in the odd comment and really stand up against what feels wrong to me.

I’ll be missing the first week of Sovereignty Kindergarten, but I have my Shmorian-Thing-Finding workbook all printed out. I’m taking copies of Havi’s blogpost on trouble with sleep, the Sovereignty Kindergarten front page to remind me of what awaits when I return home and some essay questions for next years exams, because I’m in so much panic over this years results I’m already revising for next years.

I’m taking my music player, phone and my camera. I will take tissues, the cuddly tiger (named after the Goddess of Protection) and the locket with his hair & picture in it with me. And I will take it one day at a time, one day closer to that sanctuary I’ve become attached to.

This is Rose,
In anxiety and alone,
cut-off from the internet;
asking for it to all be okay.

In Light.

Visibility: Out of the Mist

07 Wednesday Jul 2010

Posted by Rose in Writing

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

novel, SlinkySummer

I keep trying to write a post for this, but all I really need to do is show you some pictures…

My National Novel Writing Month 2009 novel is bound and in print. It’s just a proof, but I’m excited to hold something with my name on it.

Stepping out of the mist, and into the land of the author.

In Light,
Rose

Practise is the new Meditation

02 Friday Jul 2010

Posted by Rose in Personal Notes

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

buddhism, Insights, LiteratureLessons

 Welcome to the fifth sixth attempt at writing this post.

I’ve not been very well this week, as my body took an emergency vacation. But today, I’ve things to do and though I’m trying to treat my body with kindness, I’ve put these things off and I can’t leave them longer.

I have to post a letter and fill out some forms and make a phone call (arrrggh!) and then actually walk to go ask someone I’ve never met to please hire me. All of these things scare me on some level.

–          The letter is a “goodbye, come back safely” letter [i actually need to write it, too] which means i’ll accept that he leaves.

–          The forms are for voluntary work and i’m so paranoid I’ll get something wrong

–          Phones calls – just no. I need body language and i struggle and generally lie on the phone because i can’t get to the truth in time. I panic. And it’s a phone call about the volunteering. PanicPanicPanic.

–          My dad’s friend runs a pub, he’s never met me but it’s still a bit nerve-wracking when I have little social skills and there’s just extra pressure when your family knows.

Anyway. I’m going to do some ShivaNata before attempting any of these. I wondered through the blogroll of a blog I used to read, The Rambling Taoist and I discovered a post on dealing with anger by Lucy.

In this post, I was hit by sudden understanding on one particular phrase.

“It’s all just practice.”

Last week, I mentioned that results weren’t everything, and this seemed to be a foundation for this phrase today. I’m sure KJ has said that phrase at some point in the year and a half that he’s been teaching us. But it hadn’t sunk in before.

I remember relaxing on my driving test because I thought I’d failed on an early manoeuvre. Thanks to that, I relaxed and got the rest right – with all the pressure now lost, and I passed.

I think that in a similar way, reminding myself that if I do mess up this phone call/meeting – there will be other jobs and they may give me the benefit of the doubt – they may not even notice. It’s all just practise, and I know I can learn from the experience.

Practising in light,
Rose.

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Rose

artist, neuroscientist, writer & dreamer

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2 . Connect with Spirit.
3 . Get into Routine.
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