Conversation: Compassion and Politeness

Tags

blazing-crusade, breaking habits&labels, catharsis, Insights, reflection, stormy seas, WorkingOnStuff

When did it become more important to be polite than compassionate?

I’ve spent the first 18 years of my life in an unsafe state; switching between anxiety, panic attacks and depression. At university and through this blog, I found supportive places.

I joined an online Native American Spirituality group who confirmed to me “no, that isn’t okay.” I made friends with people who believed in the power of positive thinking and even had a lovely card and bright magnet saying I was part of something good. I sought out yoga and meditation, took my vows of attempting pacifism through druidry and began a gratitude practise.

I offered my home and my listening ear to those who needed it, including people I didn’t like – because they deserve to be listened to – no matter what my feelings were for them.

~

Now I’m an adult. I have a job and a flat. I’m meant to have “more control” of my life. I’m meant to be polite and kind, to balance me-time with social-time and having been told for 18 years to SAY NO and Don’t Give In To Peer Pressure – suddenly I’m supposed to go to this party and you must eat that last cake and well they’re family so you have to.

People are different, and it’s about time this world actually thought about that.

How is it fair to put me through anxiety, anger and a sleepless night just because you enjoy something? When did it become unacceptable to politely decline? When did it become okay for people to make snide remarks about things that have always been so? They are some things I have never liked. To say I “suddenly” don’t like it now after 20-odd years of not liking it is not appropriate. And rude. And shows you’ve not cared enough to listen before.

I’m so tired of trying to dodge the “don’t be so politically correct” comments as if being equal and compassionate is something negative.

I’m sick of not being listened to because they’re already speaking over me. There’s that phrase from Fight Club about people who: “actually listen to you instead of just waiting for their turn to speak.” But I’m noticing more and more that they don’t even bother with that courtesy.

They talk over me. And they do it as if it’s not incredibly rude and demoralising. As if I’m not an adult with the same rights as them. 

It saddens me to think that even the people who can be understanding and talk about being caring don’t take the time to listen or think about why someone is saying no.

And it worries me that you can’t just say “no, thank you” any more.

If you ask me to JUSTIFY why I’m saying no, you need to find a new friend. Because it’s not necessary and not always appropriate. Especially if I then trust you with the answer and you then try to change my mind – pressure me into it. So just don’t ask.

Is this just me? Or is this actually something important we need to be addressing? What’s more important – compassion or social-acceptability? 

I know which I value more.

My Writing Website

Tags

blazing-crusade, connect, dancing-with-limitation, LiteratureLessons, novel

It’s officially launch day.

I have my own writing website, where I’ll be posting updates on my journey from an idea to a finished piece, being shared with the world.

“K. R. Green writes literary and fantasy novels, specialising in dragons, faeries, magic, mythology and necromancy. She writes at krgreen.co.uk about her journey through writing, editing and the journey toward publication  When she isn’t painting pictures with words, she is works for Children’s Social Care services in Sussex.”

Welcome to K. R. Green’s Writing Website.

The Written Word: A Love Affair

Tags

blazing-crusade, connect, LiteratureLessons, novel, potential, reflection

This morning, I got my first official rejection. This led to me buying a kindle and a load of new books to read, as well as increasing my motivation to edit my novels.

 

~

 

I grew up with books.
In a way, I grew up inside books.

And most of my core beliefs now stem from some of the books I read as a child.

Having beliefs that your parents disagree with, and don’t understand, was always a real problem in my house – but when I look back on those series, I realise the true importance of the written word on who I am today.

The first set of books that taught me about life were by Kenneth Oppel: Silverwing, Sunwing and Firewing. This was the first set of books I’d read where a creature died, and it’s spirit was free to continue flying through the trees (it was a bat), and I began to question the aspects of life and death as experiences.

Next, I discovered the strong female figures – Lyra from His Dark Materials Trilogy, Myrina from Troy and the Warrior Women Series, Magda in the Forestwife Series, Sabriel in the Old Kingdom Trilogy and Renn in the Chronicles of Ancient Darkness.

Then, the ideas of family and honour arose as I read The Sight and Fell by David Clement-Davies.

 

Moving Forward

Today, I bought a second-hand Kindle on eBay. I place all blame on my sister of the written word, and her bad influence. She too, is an avid reader and writer, though our favoured genres are often very different.

This led to me spending a lot of time in the Kindle online store today, and, unfortunately, to buying a lot of paperbacks.

The idea of paying more for a Kindle book than a new paperback, let alone a second hand paperback, doesn’t sit well with my beliefs, nor my wallet.

But I bought some books.

 

The Importance of Reading

As far as my reading habit goes, this is a brilliant step forward. I’ve not been reading much over the past couple of years, nor even in the past two months, even without a TV in my flat. Finding new authors and series to trial has re-sparked that love of reading and I’m already back on track to reaching this year’s goal of completing 26 books minimum, and ideally aiming for 35-40.

Through university, my reading list considered a lot of books on quantum physics, spiritual exploration and psychology or writer non-fictions…

As a writer now editing my books, I feel that now is the time to keep myself immersed in good writing – now I’m less afraid of accidentally stealing ideas as the plot is already laid out – so I can focus on making sure my tone and style really expresses the places and people I’ve created.

So, as a fan of books, who loves hearing about other books, here are the purchases I’ve made this weekend:

“Fire” – Cashore, Kristin
“Graceling” – Cashore, Kristin
“Geist (Book of the Order)” – Philippa Ballantine
“2k to 10k: Writing Faster, Writing Better, and Writing More of What You Love”  – Rachel Aaron [Kindle Edition]
“Runemarks” – Harris, Joanne
“Gardens of the Moon (Book 1 of The Malazan Book of the Fallen)” – Erikson, Steven
“The Spirit Thief (Legend of Eli Monpress)” – Aaron, Rachel;
“The Agency: Volume 2” – Dianne Sylvan [Kindle Edition]

I will of course be rating these on my reading list.

 

Writing

Also, March is my month of novel-editing, and here is the latest update:

Day: 3
Pages Edited: 17/314 and 0/310
Scenes Edited: 3/71 and 0/80

Don’t forget to find out more about my books from the my writing page.

Story Editing ~ March 2013

Tags

blazing-crusade, nanowrimo, novel, processing

Each November, I take part in NaNoWriMo.

This year, I wrote a sequel to a book I finished 2 weeks before hand.

Throughout February, I’ve dipped in and out of reading, re-writing and whining over the first instalment. But today, it’s March, and I feel like I’ve made no progress.

I was whining about it last night, when Ellie Di commented on my frustrations.

“Sounds to me like you might actually have one book spread across two. Have you thought about what you can cut and combine?”

Oh Shit.
I hadn’t even considered that my two books might actually be one.

80,000 words is an okay novel-length. 92,000 is almost perfect.

Combining them will surely involve a lot of cutting, and I’m not sure how to re-write the information I still need to include.

I asked my friend Sorcha, who read my first book, and she seemed unsure.

“I suppose you could, but you’d have to be really careful because there’s a lot of important backstory on the antagonists etc… and the assassins that you need to keep in otherwise people might get confused.”

So this month of March, I’m editing: be that re-writing, cutting, merging or beginning bits again.

I’ll be updating my progress here: http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/novel-draft-aftercare/threads/107884 and measuring it according to pages:

Current Score: 
Day: 1
Pages Edited: 5/314 and 0/310
Scenes Edited: 1/71 and 0/80

Are you editing a piece of work? How do you measure the process?

– Rose –

NaNoWriMo12 – 2/3rds done

Tags

blazing-crusade, breaking habits&labels, connect, dancing-with-limitation, LiteratureLessons, nanowrimo, novel, processing

It’s November 20th. That’s 2/3rds through the 30 days of November.

I’m now at 60,740 words, and the evening isn’t over yet. If I write 2,500 words a day (including another 2000 on top of what I’ve already done today) I’ll finish the book by the end of the month.

But it’s not gone quite so smoothly as I’d hoped. Of those 20 days, I’ve hated my novel for 7 of them. In terms of something being “loved”, two-thirds isn’t really good enough for me.

But today, I’ve clawed my way back out, having written a minimum of 2000 words no matter what, because to reach my goal, I really need to hit 2,500 a day from now. So I wrote 2k a day, of bits I hated, or padding out descriptions in prior scenes. Now I’m finally back on the trail. It’s still not very easy, but I’m connecting with so many other writers – on the forum, via twitter, using tags and labels and blogs… and today I wrote a scene I loved.

And that’s worth every struggle.

NaNoWriMo 2012 ~ The Beginning

Tags

blazing-crusade, dancing-with-limitation, nanowrimo, novel, plans, potential

National Novel Writing Month begins in 6 hours.

Having participated and won since November 2009, I don’t feel like I am allowed to fail. And this year, I’m writing a sequel. That means I have a basic plan, a good foundation and lots of prior plot threads to draw upon.

But, I also don’t need to spend hours world-building and can spend less time dealing with my main character descriptions… Two aspects which are very helpful in the 50,000 word challenge when your word-count is a little low.

What else am I doing in November? Oh yes, moving out of my parents house, into a one-bed flat and starting a new job. My first job. In a completely new setting/field.

And writing 50,000 words of novel.

For some reason, I’m beginning to feel unsure.

 

But I’ve planned something. It will be my first year of planning a storyline, and I feel confident that if I fail, I’ll have good reasons and the words I will have written will be decent. I have mind-maps at the ready, a list of scenes and suggested orders for those scenes and the odd bit “what if X character is actually a Y?” in case I get stuck and need to twist things up.

Last week I shared the best books and programs for my writing processes. Today, I’m writing to work through the anxiety of another month of stress. But I know I can make it. I know I can miss three days of writing and still get up to speed. I know that I can write crap until the decent stuff starts to pour out. And I know that having an on-the-go project will, overall, help me cope with the other stuff.

So let the challenge commence, and may the first few scenes flow easily.

In Light,
Rose

A Scrambled Panic About Writing Novels

Tags

blazing-crusade, connect, dancing-with-limitation, novel, reflection, writing

I’m a writer.

In November 2009 I began National Novel Writing Month with an idea, and ended with 50,000 words that looked far too much like a book I’d just finished reading.

In the Summer of 2010, I wrote another, which ended up being a part-sequel of the first. This sequel ended up at 91,000 words, and still unfinished. I have seven main characters and once I know how to deal with something of that size, I’ll revisit it.

In September 2011, I began a third novel. This is still in progress; at around 20,000 words of fully written scenes. I don’t have a clue where it’s going.

November 2011: NanoWriMo the Third… Got to 50,000 words, but it had no cohesion and two days before the end I decided to add in icelandic translations of my spells, poems and prophecies in order to boost the word-count. >_>

January 2012. Began the current novel. Got to 30,000 odd words by August.

September 2012: Realised I need to finish by October 4th. Panicked. Began writing furiously. Let human beings actually proof-read the bits I’d edited. Got two positive feedbacks. One very negative. Freaked out. Felt sick. Hated my writing. Got picked up by two more positive reviews. Breathed.

~

My mummy proof-reading my first six chapters ❤

Here I am. September 19th 2012; working on my (technically fifth) third proper story-line.

I have 36,374 words of well-written, proofed work. I have 9,000 odd words of notes/ scenes to be edited and scrap i’ve kept as a “just-in-case”.

The minimum is 75,000 words for submission… that’s 40,000 more to write and edit.. and those 9,000 to sort out something with.

By October 4th. Then I need to edit and re-write and edit and proof and then submit by the 9th.

The time-scales are already ridiculous – but I’ve written 50,000 words in 30 days. I’ve written 91,000 words in 50 days. I’m unemployed. I have a vague sense of where I’m going. I should be able to do it, if I focus and breathe and plan and work it all out as I go.

~

Yet, as each new day creeps forward, the panic rises. I had a month to write 50,000 words. I now only have 14 days to write 40,000. This isn’t good.

Each day I feel this anxiety, not even writer’s block; but an inability to write what comes next. I stare at the page, fingers poised over the keyboard, and I feel sick.

~

I need readers, editors and critiques. I need the energy to see this plan through; to keep writing. I need support, connection and time-outs. I need to plan what will happen next.

I need to edit the things already critiqued. I need to edit it and then re-sent out the edited bits for more critiques; for new critique.

And I need to eat meals, sleep at night, talk to my mum, drink tea and speak to my other half.

I need to give a speech tomorrow, to attend a job interview next week, to keep applying for jobs. I need to keep clearing out the crap in my room, I need to look for a car and a house to actually keep driving because taking 4 days off brings back the fear.

I need to get over the overwhelm.

~

It’s a gorgeous blue-skied day outside; and I can’t justify going for a walk because I should be here, writing. I know I won’t write, sat here, but nonetheless, I am paralysed, chained to this laptop and the next clear steps for my character to walk.

Unable to write, unable to see the goal being met.

Unable to see the final dream, of being a published author.

Why I Love The Business Goddess E-Course: A Review

Tags

blazing-crusade, dancing-with-limitation, money, potential, review, shivanata, SoaringStore

Psst. This is a review, thus most of the links are affiliate ones. You don’t pay more for the products, but I get appreciation monies to help support my business. If this isn’t for you, that’s totally fine.

 

A year ago, I began a journey into the world of business. I joined Leonie’s Goddess Circle (which I intend to properly review at some point as it’s amazing!) and began the Business Goddess Course.

Within a month I had a 2-hour lesson plan for a teaching venture, passive income streams that earned me over £100 for doing perhaps two hours of work across the nine months, and decided I had a real-enough business to make some business cards.

The Review

What: Become a Business Goddess eCourse

Used For: 12 months at time of writing

Price: 72$

Rating: 5/5

The Basics:

–          How to be a Business Goddess eBook

–          Money-making Kit

–          Business Goddess profiles / Business Advisors

Which Includes:

–          Leonie’s real-life experience

–          Business planning worksheets

–          A section on the Practical Side

–          Staying sane while running a business

–          Finding the balance between work-income-joy

–          How to get more people and increase sales

–          Pricing and Marketing

–          Contacting people (social networks, email lists and guest blogging)

–          Avoiding Burn-Out

 
Why Take The Course?

My mission is all about getting you to a point where you are able to support yourself. That includes on a monetary level. While trying to find this myself, I took the Business Goddess Course.

The whole course focuses on building a business doing something you love, that’s in line with your dreams. Leonie writes in such a friendly, down-to-earth way.

I chose not to print it, but to read it on my phone between lectures so that I could plan my new ideas on the bus home or in free moments around university.

 
Key Points

– I enjoyed the first lesson, which was all about Leonie’s journey and about having faith, balancing work-your dream and about having time to find your path. For me, that’s was the best beginning to an e-course I’ve ever read. A very good set of points to know before you embark on a shift like changing your business.

– There are images of her early website and each stage of her business journey; which is great to make the story real and encourage you to believe that she began in a similar place to you.

– I found it easy to relate; her idea of having a part-time job to pay the rent while spending free time creating matches my own pattern of having university assignments, a casual paid job, affiliate links on my site and then writing my novel in the free time between. The suggestions are useful and do-able.

– Unlike other business courses I’ve seen, each page has a supportive aspect to it; with comments about following your intuition, just doing what you can now and being kind to yourself.

I even took a three month stint doing financial reporting (yuck!) because I wanted to see just how far I could spread the glitter into the belly of the public service dinosaur. My findings? People everywhere are open to love and joy and having fun. They just need someone to start it.

– The information is so well-explained. I remember when I first saw the “hey, try X method” I thought “well.. yeah I had thought of that”… but having the step-by-step process outlined, the possible slip-ups warned about and some good advice for getting round obstacles was priceless.

– The guide was so easy to dip in to or read as a full book. I still dip into it when I’m creating new ideas or having a stress over money or how I’m spending my time. If nothing else, reading that someone else went gently form a full time office job to being a full-time goddess at home, and even managed to have a child and let her husband stay home to be a family – that’s worth gold when I’m struggling to see past a current block.

– It also covers both sides of the coin; there are sections for you to become an affiliate of products you love, but also information on setting up an affiliate program for you to give your supporters money in return for sales. The guide doesn’t just make you money, it guides you to running a full business.

She also expands on her suggestions by having a joint venture with a unicorn. It’s awesome and surprisingly helpful as an example.

 
My Success Story

I went into this course expecting to maybe make an e-book. I came out with an in-person 2-hour class planned for, three consistent customers, two e-books and a mailing list. From those, I’ve now begun running skype sessions of shivanata and got two possible joint ventures in the works.

I also got support for my idea of having a casual paid job on campus and keeping my studies in the fore-front. Without taking this course, I’d have still been writing that single e-book that I wasn’t very passionate about.

And a final note; I had earned a new income that covered the cost of this course within two months of beginning it, including the month I took to plan, create and start the business.

So if the money puts you off, just remember that you’re taking the course to increase your joy, your peace and your money.

 
The Links

Want to find out more? Click on through to the Business Goddess E-course page.

Also, check out the Goddess Circle I mentioned earlier, which is just $20 more but gives you access to all her meditations, courses, e-books and the forum where I first brainstormed the idea for my Shivanata sessions.

In fact, if you want to support my business by using my affiliate links, please click over to Leonie’s Shop with this handy link.

 
In Light,
Rose

Connecting to Practise – iv – A Seeker And The Shadows

Tags

13/4, blazing-crusade, breaking habits&labels, connect, enchantress, LiteratureLessons, metaphor, potential

As part of my connection theme for this year, I’ve been turning to written material. I’m on the eighth Gwers of my Druid studies, over half-way through Spirits of the Sacred Grove [Emma Restall Orr] and I’m taking Dianne Sylvan’s Spiritual Nomad course.

A couple of weeks ago, I found a new blog and picked up an e-book called Walk Like a God by Drew Jacob.

I had a few revelations, so this is a long post, and may stretch two. They’re a little bit jumpy, but there is a thread (my trail of thoughts) flowing through each section, so I hope it makes some sense. I’ve also had a lot of blocks to posting this openly, but I feel it’s an important journey dialogue.

 

Connecting the Connections

If you’ve been following my blog for the last two years, you’ll know I have this mild obsession with labels, and have spent a lot of time searching for that “perfect term” for myself; still defining the goal of my life. That dream I’ve always wanted to attain but never even felt I got onto the path of.

On this journey, I have found comfort in the term of enchantress, found joy in the label of priestess, and I’ve valued dance, martial arts, strength-building and writing as the highest values of my life. I can take a label from each of these, yet it’s never covered every part of me.

This week, I’ve been focused on my lack of motivation to wake early and get back into writing (I’m on novel #5 now). Throughout my various reading of the past few weeks, I saw the connection.

 

Having talked about the success of forming habits being based on motivation, I know that personally, the defining of the end goal is a big block for me in forming a new habit. The more I try, the more I began to ask myself why I’m not living life as I want to. Why can’t I wake early and meditate?

Is it all an issue of definition?

 

Enticement

As I shuffle through the memories of this “seeking self”; the search for strength and for quietude have been the greatest and longest lasting. I’ve craved focus as much as I’ve enjoyed being distracted.

In each story, I find that thread of desire for stillness. I find the scholar who wants to understand what others understood, the psychologist who wants to understand people’s volition, the star-gazer who wants to absorb the knowledge of the universe and the reader who wants to feel every emotion of every character invented. Yet within this dream is that underlying sense of quiet spirit. And below that, power.

I sense a deep thrum of power, and I seek it. I am enticed to follow the silent calling.

 

If I understand why people act as they do, why that works as it does; why atoms form like that – I have knowledge of how everything moves. I’ll be able to understand and maybe to change how those worlds work. Underlying the scholar is the strength-seeking woman who wants to connect with the world. In my mind, I see a stealthy being, cloaked in silence and able to experience things most people miss.

I notice in the shadows of stillness, that’s what I seek. This is the Connection to Practise I spoke of.

 

A Specific Term Speaks

Last week, I found myself flickering through the various minimal and spiritual posts I’ve found over the past couple of years, and through various links, ended up at Drew Jacob’s blog: Rogue Priest.

I hadn’t read a single blog post before I felt the ripple. The terminology alone hit home for me and the thrum got louder as associations flew into my conscious awareness.

 

Rogue… off the trodden path, a skilled thief in the ragnarok online game. A shadowy figure who uses stealth and skills. Sometimes wild and untamed yet all about the quietude… Focused and still… unseen yet powerful. Connecting to the land but often without obvious knowledge of it.

 

Priest… quiet, connected to spirit, focused and calm. “Witchy powers” came to mind, as I began my spiritual path self-defining as a witch. Also shadowy due to the silence, the reverence. All these associations flew forward: those and less relevant ones like my connection between martial arts and monasteries… the discipline and quiet appeal.

 

This is exactly what I’ve sought.  This is a label I could happily follow. Reverence, priesthood, stealth, quiet…

I want the structure and focus yet simplicity of priesthood. I want the freedom, passion and skill of a rogue.  I want that thrum, that power, that passion. This is the form of practise I want to connect with.

 

 

Head high, cloak draped over my shoulder, I step out of the sunlight and into the shadows: a seeker of stillness.

2012 Word Breakdown: IV. Connecting to Practise

Tags

13/4, blazing-crusade, breaking habits&labels, connect, dancing-with-limitation, paganism, potential, reflection

It’s January. Last year, I did a 3/2/1 recap each month. For this first month, I’ll be talking a little more about my four focus attributes: space, legacy, emotion and practise.

If you missed my first post, on space, head here, or my second post, on legacy, head here. If you missed all three, here’s the third, on emotion.

 

IV. Connecting to Practise

‘Practise’ is a term I realised in 2008, meant “life”. Each experience is a practise run for the next. This hour is a practise for the next; which I’ll learn from and use in future events.

For this goal, that’s kind of how I’m covering it: life.

And having though of it like that, I feared this post would be long and rambly. In fact, it’s short and simple, though a little jumpy due to nature of change and realisations.

I want to reconnect with the spiritual energy I found in 2004, which gave me hope. To get back to learning about energy from books (physics) and to practising it (Reiki, meditation).

 This includes getting outside at least once a fortnight to experience the energy of the land, of the trees.

 

Practise of Wellness

This is a recent finding.

I posted over at the Phoenix Mind about my steps back to mental wellness. This involved having systems for when life was tough, and if that’s not practise, I don’t know what is.

As of last week, I’m back to exercising. I have a six-minute routine I’m doing twice a day to get my abilities back to a decent level, covering core, arms, legs and balance.

I have a couple of comedians DVDs on my laptop for times I just need to laugh, and I found that novel-writing really is my best escape.

I’d like to find more items to sit in this first-aid-box of life’s negative turns; so that I can always bring myself back, once I’m ready.

What have I missed?

So that leaves me with a few goals from my original 13. The learning and getting outside come under other aspects. The two finalists come under all the aspects, so let’s have them now.

–          Read 26 books this year (Legacy, Practise)

This comes under all four; and in my first post outlining the themes, I shared the books I’d be reading throughout the year. I have to say that, as of January 28^th I’ve read 4.5 books, which is well on track for 26 in 12 months.

–          Practise Paganism more often – prayer, meditation, ritual and OBOD study (Practise, Legacy, Space, Spirit)

Related to spiritual space, I’d like to practise paganism more; to study, attend or partake in ritual, prayer, meditation.

So that’s my 2012 planned, and January almost done with. I’ll be back in February to share my January accomplishments and February’s plans.

In Light,
Rose