2013: The Year I Became a Writer First

Tags

1-4, 13/4, 3/2/1, decluttering, novel, obod, paganism, plans, reflection

In March, I had the sudden idea that of these seven attempted novels, I kind of love three of them, and maybe I should begin looking at this whole… writing thing… in more detail.

I ended up with a website, new blog, and creating a 120,000-word edited draft. I also stopped blogging here, in order to blog twice a week over at that one. If you haven’t seen my writing ramblings and want to, here’s the link: K R Green

~

Now it’s December. I moved into a new flat two days ago, and I’m evaluating my year.

It looks like a year ago, I decided to focus on the same things I’ve been focusing on for about 4 years, just using different words:

Food, clutter, strength and learning.

But in the last year I also had to work out how to be an adult. I started driving five days a week.  I now had a 9-5 job, five days a week. I have no close friends or family even living in the same county. Around April-May time, I accidentally stopped eating. I couldn’t meditate. By September, I stopped attending my social and spiritual groups, including writing groups.

Writing has been my only constant in a world of uncertainty.

But next year I want to bring a little bit of my real life back into my world; not just the fantasy ones I create.

~

2014 is just around the corner. 

I’m not sure yet what I want to do with this coming year. However, what I do know is that there are a lot of changes ahead.

Did I mention that I got engaged in July? If not, then that happened, and planning for moving house, possibly jobs and then wedding/hand-fasting planning is all on the cards for 2014.

1 . De-cluttering

So ~ if you’ve been following my previous blogs, you’ll not be surprised to learn that de-cluttering is back up to the top of my list. I moved into a new flat two days ago, and it took 4 car-loads on Saturday, and then around 7 car-loads including the furniture on Sunday. My parents, who arrived around 8:30am Sunday, didn’t leave until 9:30pm.

Moving in with the O.H. sometime around August, therefore, means I need to probably get rid of about 50% of what I have currently. And I need to try to persuade him to de-clutter at his end, which will be interesting…

2 . Spirit

This year, I’ve completely shut off from my spiritual practises. The closest I’ve come to any connection with my beliefs is that I finally bought a lovely little Buddha statue for my altar; having spent around four years looking for one that spoke to me. It actually made me laugh that after that wait, I found one that is close to perfect for how I visualise Buddha – and ended up finding it in Evolution for £2 with it’s own “gift bag” complete with stereotypical images of pebbles and sand…

But he’s lovely and serene.

I really want to get back into my OBOD course and to get at least a vague once-a-week meditation practise back. Or even just re-connect with the Gods again by chatting to them every now and again. When I found Paganism, the first thing I did was balance out prayers asking for things with prayers of thanks. But one of the key aspects of Paganism that fit for me was the imminent/manifest aspects of deity. This isn’t a lofty God watching from a cloud; it’s a man stood beside me offering me a pint as I moan about things.

And I miss that cautious friendship I began to foster with my deities.

3 . Routine

My job enables me to build my own diary to some extent. If I book to see a family at 9am in Crawley, I leave early to get there. If a family wants to wait until 10am because they need to clean the house and eat breakfast after the school run, and they live nearby, I leave a bit later.

But this means I’ve lost my morning routine, which impacts my bedtime routine. And a sleep-deprived Rose is a grumpy Rose.

4 . Writing

Finally, I want to officially set myself some goals for writing. I’ll outline these in detail on my writing blog in January, but essentially, I want to be seeking agent representation by August, in time for FantasyCon 2014.

So that’s my goal list for 2014, now named the “1-4”:

1 – Remove items and minimise bringing new ones into my life.

2 – Chat to the Gods.

2 – Complete more of OBOD.

2 – Meditate where possible.

3 – Wake at 7am each morning. Maybe 7:30 at weekends.

4 – Meet writing goals for 2014.

4 – Continue to strive for the annual “Read 26 books” challenge.

What sort of goals do you have for 2014?

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Defining Paganism and Spirit

Tags

connect, paganism, reflection

On Monday, I finished my dissertation for good. I left it at 9pm and returned the next day for one skim-read before I printed it off. On Monday night, I made myself a hot water bottle, a nettle tea and sat down to read the blog posts I’d been adding to a tab collection over the past two weeks.

The first one I read was this one, over at Pantheos. Drew Jacob speaks about how Paganism may one day be in the world, and then asks for readers to distil the message of Paganism.

One passage particularly caught my eye in his descriptions:

When entering or leaving a forest; when taking in a mountain view; at sunset or sunrise; when you first see the moon. On entering a city, or a sanctuary. Anywhere you cross from one place to the next you may see people show a little sign of respect. Like asking permission before they barge in.

And suddenly, the voice was there in my mind. “I want to do that, in my Life. I want to ask permission from the place to be there.”

I’ve become caught up in my studies, in my conditioning, in my anxieties. I curled up away from my community a few weeks ago and refused to leave the house to attend a Druid gathering – my last chance to meet those people and get that spiritual support for a while. I tore away from that light and focused only on getting to my destination of the moment.

I’ve lost that sense of magic, that every doorway is a chance to give thanks, that each place I visit has a spirit. I vowed to get that back, if only in simple terms of using doorways as a reminder to be mindful again.

Then, the question came.

As you reach the end of this article, my challenge to you is this: putting aside the question of proselytizing, which is not the idea here, what is Paganism’s message?

If you distilled everything you love about Paganism—everything about it that grips you—into a single sentence, what would it be?

And my answer flowed:

For me, Paganism is my history and my future; it is the quiet spaces in each moment, and the facet of this world which lives on with or without us. It is nature and it is the aspects many in the Western world have forgotten.  It is the stuff which we do not always see, although it is always there (the tree we no longer notice we walk past every day). It’s commonly said that people who find Paganism “feel like they’re coming home”, so I guess in some cases, paganism is that sanctuary, that home that can be found wherever your geographical location – a home which requires no house.

I’m missing my home, missing the spirit and the grateful attitude I used to approach life with. And I’d like that back.

I am a priestess who has locked herself out and forgotten the spare key under the flowerpot.

In light,
Rose

Spiritual Lessons :: Six Months Into 2012

Tags

13/4, buddhism, connect, druidry, meditation, metaphor, nature, paganism, reflection, seasons

Last year, to celebrate Litha (Summer Solstice), I ordered the OBOD Bardic Course. I’m now about a third of my way through it, and I attended the Anderida Open Ritual to celebrate the festival. That group has become my stronghold. I get so much from holding hands on that hill as I do sitting in the pub listening to the debates of various paths, discussions of bringing up children in the faith and feeling the connection of each human who hugs me. Also, I got the oracle card of “Earth Dragon” back at Beltain (this will become relevant later).

The main thing I’ve come to know though, is this:

These people are my Sangha.
For me, Druidry is home.

Buddhism

This year, to celebrate Litha, I’ve stepped up a notch, mixing my Druid practise with Buddhism: I’m attending a talk by His Holiness The Dalai Lama about nonviolence and universal responsibility.

I wrote some notes, scribbled on the back of an envelope I can barely read, but these points were made by him:

– Peace is the basis of harmony. Non-violent, compassionate culture is helpful for peace.

– Everyone has Buddha-nature so it does not matter what nationality the original Buddha was (i.e. Tibetan or Indian)

– We can all be Buddhas

– Respect and love are important, and we must keep these practises going in the Sangha (spiritual community).

– We should not content ourselves with daily prayer or daily mantra, but study. There are three areas of study: Science (of emotion and of mind), Philosophy and Religion.

A Second Sangha

On Friday, I went to the Brighton Buddhist Centre, for the Young Person’s Sangha night, with a theme of Meeting the Dragon of Re-birth.

The dragon can exist in three states: earth, sea and sky. They fly in the air, walk on the land or swim in the sea. They can access the highest realms in the clouds or rest in deep caves underground. Their large eyes allow them clear sight, and thus vision. A symbol of wisdom, and in the eastern world, a protector of an important thing.

We discussed moments of re-birth, and I thought of those I’d experienced as moments of grace thanks to a difficult experience before it.  We were also asked about our connection to the Buddha, and although I didn’t say anything because I don’t feel I have one, I thought about sakura; the cherry blossom which is my symbol of eternal perfection yet potential forever, and of peace and love – that I guess I could define as my idea of enlightenment/of dreams fulfilled.

There was also a statue present in the room which called to me; who I later discovered to be Avaloktesvara, a bodhisattva.

Back to Druidry

During mindfulness of breathing meditation, I performed the Light Body Exercise from the OBOD course, and by the end, I had an odd experience. I was sitting at the base of a tree, and as I explored the branches above me, realised I WAS the tree. I had minimal roots, if any; but I was connected to the grass and my branches felt strong; not over balancing despite reaching far away from my body.

Six months ago, I made 13 resolutions. These included these four:

–          Create a sacred space; to meditate, to place items, to practise ritual (Space, Legacy, Practise)

–          Practise Paganism more often – prayer, meditation, ritual and OBOD study (Practise, Legacy, Space, Spirit)

–          Re-connect with that love of energy; reading about it and sensing it, e.g. Reiki (Compassion, Practise, Legacy, Space)

–          Get outside at least once a fortnight – connect to the land and meditate there, within my grove (Space, Spirit, Land, Practise)

For some reason, I find the tree feeling resonates with all of them, despite not having thought much about these resolutions since I made them. I have an altar now, and I study paganism more than I did last year. However, it seems leaving the house to sit in a room with an open sky above it (ceiling window as it were, four stories up), surrounded by plants and other humans; and sharing the meditation space they created – I found something I’d like to explore more.

 

Have you had any spiritual breakthroughs or moments of grace lately?

– Rose –

Eight Years ~ A Brief Reflection

Tags

13/4, connect, druidry, enchantress, Insights, paganism, reflection, seasons, soar

It’s June 5^th. Eight years ago I sat in my parent’s house; with a candle and some water. Within a circle of flowers I chanted my first words as a dedicated Pagan. My attention was on Artemis, Nyx and Scathach. My understanding not yet formed; but my belief strong in this female form I’d come to know through prayer.

The 4^th of June marks the anniversary of my dedication, and this begins my ninth year on the Pagan path. I’ve gone from a struggling child, praying for help to a self-initiated Bard on the path of the Druid. I take part in group ritual alongside my personal practise, and I study the myth and literature alongside these practical aspects.

I welcomed the Goddess into my life, and pledged to serve her. As the years moved forward; I’ve found a place for the God too; and this year I finally completed my goal of celebrating all 8 Sabbats.

Following the Spiritual Nomad course, I now have my own wheel of celebration to follow, and expect to let it shift as my life moves around it.

 

This year I’ve come to realise that spiritual practise isn’t “right”.

Instead, it’s “right now”.

Spiritual Nomad :: Week Six :: Virtues and Gratitude

Tags

13/4, paganism, reflection, seasons, spiritual nomad

Here’s my update for the final week of Dianne Sylvan’s Becoming a Spiritual Nomad Course, which I found a lot of resistance to; and thus it’s taken a while to write my final update on this module. However, I’ve enjoyed taking my time looking through each aspect slowly.

 

Ethical Values
My experiences with ethical codes have led me to follow the Five Precepts of Buddhism. These are a guidelines rather than rules, but I find they allow me a good guide which doesn’t stop me form living life as I’d like to:

Abstain from killing / Be kind
Abstain from stealing / Give
Abstain from manipulation and misconduct / Be content
Abstain from lying / Be honest
Abstain from actions which lead to mindlessness / Be mindful

I’d like to be kind, to feel able to give, to be content with my life, to be honest, and to ensure that when I drink alcohol, I do not become so mindless I cannot be responsible for my actions.

Thinking about this topic, I’d like to include a few more values; inspired from the Nine Noble Truths:

honour – This is a very resonant value for me, particularly in terms of keeping your word
hospitality – although part of being kind and giving, worth saying separately
discipline
courage

I feel that fidelity and truth are covered by the precepts. Self Reliance, Industriousness and Perseverance fail to inspire me as much; so I’ve left them out.

 

Project: Offering Pouch

This is an exercise I would like to do more often. I used to have a sunglasses case with herbs and ribbon in it for sacrifice; but have fallen out of the habit.

I do have a pouch of herbs with me for my own protection / sense of safety. Which I could get into the habit of using as an offering too – but it doesn’t have a very secure closing mechanism.

I think I’ll have to loo through my materials and see if I can find something which suits the purpose.

 

Gratitude Practice

I have an up and running gratitude practice already; but I like the idea of expanding this to bring in aspects of metta meditation – bringing to mind a difficult person to be grateful for.  Will have a play around with the ideas here.

 

Contemplation Questions

1. I had a few moments of spiritual crisis when I was losing my faith in Christianity. I prayed to the Christian God for help and felt only emptiness. I tried and tried and nothing changed. I prayed to the Gods of other faiths; and began to feel a response in my own being. Change happened in my situation, (i.e. person left for own reasons) which happened at the time I began praying to the Pagan deities. It took a few months to really settle with this new experience.

2. Three negatives: person D, the cause for the above experience, not getting into the clinical course last year. Three positives: The people I turned to in 2005, finding writing, joining Anderida.

3. One rule I would not practise would be any that says this is the only way. “There is one god, one way, one path, one prophet”. I don’t agree that in this universe of wonders, of connections, contrasts and balance that there is only one of something for all beings.

4. My life is most affected by the value of honour – I have serious issues dealing with people who do not keep their word; and serious problems dealing with times when I break mine. I do not make promises. I find it hardest to be kind to people I feel have wronged me for deliberate reasons. Being kind to people who have been deliberately unkind or are dishonourable.

 

Thanks for being on this journey with me. The course had ended, but I’ll still be posting about my spiritual journey here. If you’re interested in taking part in this course, I’d recommend it. All details can be found here: http://diannesylvan.com/the-spiritual-nomad

In light,
Rose

Spiritual Nomad :: Week Five :: Self-Care

Tags

13/4, paganism, reflection, seasons, spiritual nomad

I seem to have slipped up in the fifth week of these updates but it’s better late than never, so here’s the weekly update on Dianne Sylvan’s Becoming a Spiritual Nomad Course, and it’s week FIVE!

Again, I read it a little late and then the practise got put on hold and I then read the final week’s module and just… missed week five. So I’ve done it this weekend.

I’m off to a Beltain celebration (in gale force winds and torrential rain, it seems) so I figure it’s as good a day as any to catch up.

 

My Thoughts Self-Care: Eating and Movement

Self care is an interesting topic for me. I’m a fussy eater, and up until 2011 I was officially underweight and could not put weight on.

Since being able to cook for myself, I’ve made it a goal to eat 4 portions of fruit or vegetables a day. I usually manage three without thinking, so much of a habit it has become. However, I still eat a lot of junk food. Now that I’m at a healthy weight, I’m finding it difficult to stop eating the high fat, high carbohydrate and high sugar diet.

Movement is another thing that’s been linked to my weight – feeling unable to exercise in case I lose weight further. However, dance has always been my calling. I danced from the age of 6 or 7 – just in my room, with a garden cane which I had decorated with a feather pendant and some rubber ends.

 

Balancing the Budget

I kept having some blocks towards doing this exercise, but I then realised it’s because I couldn’t possibly list everything, and thus the perfectionist in me knew it would be incomplete… so I’m making a  list instead:

Budget: £100

Outgoings:

Worry -£25

Jobs -£15

Uni -£25

Media -£10

Insomnia -£10

House stuff: -£5

Actual Income:

Cleaning my room £5

Healthy food £10

Writing £15

Positive music £10

Reading £10

Exercise £5

Extra Income Options:

Dance £10

Meditation £10

Cleaning my room £5

Yoga/Shivanata £5

Chat with friends £5

Healthy food £10

Writing £15

Positive music £10

Nature £10

Reading £10

Exercise £5

 

Movement Meditation

I used to do this by instinct when I was young, and sharing a house where my bedroom sits over the kitchen/lounge makes me feel self-conscious moving my feet (and that’s how I prefer to dance) so I move less while at university. However, I did this practise a couple of weeks ago (during the actual week 5 or 6 of the course) and it reminded me of just how helpful this practise is for me. It’s a huge energy boost; the tiredness lasts a few minutes but then dissipates.

 

Contemplation Questions

1. I try to use “we” to mean my mind and my body when talking to myself. Self-talk is something I continue to discover and lead towards positivity. I’m awarwe of it, which I guess it the first step.

2. I used to have a list of sacred self-care; from washing away negativity and clothing myself for protection (i.e. my clothes were a protective force) and cooking was a nourishing act, a gift from the gods. I’d like to bring that back into my life.

3.  The idea of a day off has real issues for me. This week I actually took off last Sunday for writing, Thursday night for gaming and yesterday (Saturday) off to write and chill out. However, most of yesterday was spent feeling guilty that I’ve take 2.5 days off!!! My mind felt that was good, but my body was restless with it. However, a day off every two weeks should be manageable to begin with. Or just an evening off. I’ll have to see.

4. I used to feel that my media exposure was really low; because I only watch specific programs I’ve downloaded (I don’t have a TV) and I don’t read news papers. However, bill boards and bus stop adverts are everywhere, people talk constantly about things the media have taught them to say and I use the internet, which has its fair share of adverts. It’s something I’m keeping an eye on, but haven’t found a full solution to meet the amount of media quiet time I’d like.

In light,
Rose

Spiritual Nomad :: Week Four :: Ritual and The Wheel

Tags

13/4, paganism, reflection, seasons, spiritual nomad

Time for the weekly update on Dianne Sylvan’s Becoming a Spiritual Nomad Course, and it’s week four!

This is last Monday’s lesson (27Feb), yet I only read this last night. I’d like to say it was a really good way to get through a crowded and delayed journey home, reading the PDF on my phone and planning what I’d put in my wheel.

There was snow, engineering works and a signal failure, so my 1 hour 50 journey took 4 hours. I’ve done nothing spiritual this week, but I’m back on it today, Monday the 5^th March, listening to The Wigglian Way podcast and smelling the gentle incense.

So, let’s get back into this. I’ll be outlining how I plan to do the forth weeks work this week.

My Thoughts on Ritual
I like ritual. My first ever Pagan ritual was my dedication as a seeker of the Goddess on June 4^th 2004. I always felt a little weird speaking out loud to myself/ invisible gods, so learnt to whisper or chant the callings in my head. As I’ve attended more and more group ritual though, I’m becoming more comfortable with it.

I have my favourite ways of calling the quarters, of casting the circle, and of what items I include in my rituals. As I’ve been thinking about the mudra and prayer in the daily devotional ritual, so will be experimenting with this in the next couple of weeks.

The coursework this week was to create a ritual format. I have a good few favourite formats, so I have settled on creating a new specific ritual for each of my new wheel celebrations instead of this (but not all this week!).

Reinventing the Wheel

The idea of this project is to create a year of festivals that are important to me, as a nomad. I can pick and choose festivals from my favourite spiritualities, or from my own life.

I have a half-finished Pagan Wheel of the Year at home which I’d like to go back to before I finish this wheel; but here’s my rough design for now and the reasons for each festival.

I began with the eight festivals; I like 6 of them, and Lughnasadh and Eostre are ones I understand the importance of, so want to keep in there, even though they are the two I generally don’t do anything for.

Some of these 8 festivals have extra meanings; so I may as well list them all and explain them.

The Eight Sabbats

– (May 1) – Beltain was the first ritual I really got into a habit of celebrating, and was my first experience of ritual at university, wiccan ritual and druid ritual. Thus it’s my beginning point. Spring is actually, truly here then and I feel safe to begin growing out of the soil truly. I began the year here because this was my first shared ritual, it was the first time I did the “boast, toast and promise” which is kind of a new year thing, and it’s truly spring.

– (June 21) – Litha is a favourite of mine.

– (August 1) – I often miss this but I really want to be grateful for the food and drink I can access.

– (September 21) – Modron (most call it Mabon but Modron has such a sound to it…) is a favourite. Like Beltain, it’s the one I celebrate each year with a smile and a sudden.. connection to spirit.

– (October 31) – Samhain, Halloween. The anniversary of my grandmother’s death, and of someone close to my family’s suicide. Really important date to reflect and connect with my inner self, my inner pain and inner peace. Made even more powerful by actual events.

– (November 1) – Pagan New Year. Always loved celebrating this. Now it’s also my Druid self-initiation date.

– (December 21) – Yule. A nice quiet space. My partner and I mark this by opening each others presents. All others are Christmas presents so they wait until the family day on 25^th. But he and I give each other Yule gifts, thus open them at Yule. I also tend to celebrate this one at my altar each year.

– (February 1) – Imbolc. A favourite for its symbols. I can always see beauty in the earth on February 1^st.

– (March 21) – Eostre. I always forget/have blocks around celebrating this one. I don’t partake in lent any more (though I do have pancakes on pancake day). For me, I guess I celebrate spring in Imbolc and Beltain, so why again? Especially as we actually get snow in March in England these days.

Personal Festivals

Then I have “my” festivals – Earth day (22^nd April), my birthday (25^th August), my anniversary with my other half (26 January), the days I first connected with my three best-friends (29 March, 30 July, 1 September).

The unexpected few (the ones I ended up putting on but haven’t always celebrated/didn’t think would be important):

–          May 9^th – my first ever ritual as “high priestess” in a ritual. (it was me and a friend, thus we automatically became the joint leaders). My first ever experience of a tawny owl, and my first big insight into the forest at night-time.

–          13-17 July – Buddhafield Festival 2011 was a really important experience for me. From the new systems to the actual experiences, I had a thorough learning incident over those few days. However, I didn’t think I would include this as a new festival… There was a lot of pain associated with the waking early, the flu, being given the wrong medicine, EIGHT HOURS on delayed trains with this flu, an argument with my tent-mate which led us to sever all ties.

• However, the ritual, the open-air showers, the act of pushing myself to be on the till, the support and being able to say “thank you for letting me stay on tills. I know I was panicky at first, but you let me find my feet. Thank you for that kindness.”   It was important and I want to remember it as such.

–          I noticed on someone else’s wheel the festival of “Sakura Matsuri”, of Cherry Blossoms, which this year is 28-29 April. This is a symbol I’ve had since Spring of 2006 and I always wanted to mark it with a tattoo… having looked up this festival though, I may sneak it in as a replacement or combination with Eostre/Beltain.

–          I used to spend the spring months soaking up knowledge of books as I sought to learn about everything before it had all bloomed… I’d like to get back into this routine. I’ve read 8 books in 2 months, and this reflects my old pattern. I’ve been thinking about making some kind of “Spring Submerging in Study” for a couple of weekends throughout February-April.

So, this is my wheel so far. It’s in progress. I know that I’ve experienced depressive states throughout January since I was 11 or 12, so I’d quite like to come up with some form of celebration or ritual to cultivate joy in that space where I already release a lot of negativity. In relation to this, I’ve also noticed that from November to April, I basically have SPACE in spades… Which, considering my favourite festivals are Modron, Yule and Imbolc, this really interests me. I may have to make a few more for those times.

Contemplation Questions

1. I don’t remember many of the rituals in my life; I’ve attended two weddings in my memory; though neither really sparked anything in me. I went to a catholic school, which had an attached chapel where Mass happened every couple of weeks. The chapel was an amazing space, but the rituals were empty to me.

From Beltain 2009, I began to sense ritual as a connective energy. Beginning on May 3^rd, with the Druid group I still attend. I held hands with strangers who told the circle about their failings, their fears and their dreams. I connected in that “forest of women”. Hard to incorporate into my own ritual as holding my own hand doesn’t have the same effect.

2. Rites of Passage are things that are hard for me to put my finger on. There are “traditional” events that some cultures celebrate, but I think the things that meant a lot to me I did celebrate, in my own way. I might have to think about this one some more.

3. A date from my re-invented wheel that I would like to plan is June 4^th; my dedication. This year will be the beginning of my ninth year as a dedicant? of the Gods. I would like to have a reflection and celebration ritual for this day. Usually I let myself buy a pagan-related book or object for my altar. I think I’d like to make something I can add to/make something new for each year… maybe a tapestry or a scene/picture I can add to. I’d like to use my traditional cast and call quarter routine, not the Druid grove I’m using more often now.

4. I’ve not been doing the daily meditation, so will skip this question for now.

In light,
Rose

Spiritual Nomad :: Week Three :: Prayer and The Journey Book

Tags

13/4, paganism, reflection, seasons, spiritual nomad

Time for the weekly update on Dianne Sylvan’s Becoming a Spiritual Nomad Course, and it’s week three! If you missed last week’s update, click here.

I’ve left my altar with it’s four components: incense, oil burner, dragon and butterfly. This week I read the module on prayer and we were assigned to begin a journey book.

My Thoughts on Prayer
I like prayer. I remember sitting in assemblies at school fitting as many Goddess Chants into the “Our Father” as would fit nicely. The rhythms matched, so this became my ritual; twice a week I’d sit and chant, focusing on the same intentions as the rest of the room; the recent hurricane inAmerica or an earthquake in some place I’d not heard of. I focused on the fact that humans were hurting, and that I’d been taught prayer would help them.

I didn’t realise before reading this module that I used mudras. I’d also never thought of half of the suggestions to be forms of prayer before. Knowing that half of things I do are already forms of prayer made me feel good about myself. I am doing things that connect me with the divine force. I’m a “good pagan” as my mind termed it.

The Journey Book
I’ve had three main books throughout my spiritual journey. I made a cardboard book with scraps of paper cut and held in place by selotape and elastic bands when I was 13. (Will have to find it and take a picture when I go home in 3 weeks).

I then had this purple A5 soft-cover book to write associations, rune meanings, dreams and poetry in; which still has the three feathers I used in my first “spell”. Then I got a plain black and red A5 book which I put butterfly stickers on (see my altar picture for images of these). This book became a more formal associations list; with my own personal morning and evening devotions, my quarter calls and a list of each date I fasted for “spiritual reasons”. This was partly linked to my ED, but I didn’t know I had one back then.

I keep my ritual notes ona  compute document, mainly because I can attach photographs and links to people’s websites to say “did X ritual (see link) with Y form (ys blog link). “Did animal oracle, got this card, means (link to webpage) and so on.

Then, I have my druid studies book. It’s a lovely Edgar Allen Poe (check outEureka: a prose poem <3) book which has a pocket at the back for feathers, leaves and even the business cards of fellow druids. This is more of a journal as I follow the OBOD Bardic Grade course; but I intend to write out all the group druid ceremonies I’ve experienced at the back of the book (from the notes I made on my word document).

Finally, I have this set of blog posts, which are currently the only journaling I’ve done for the course, minus the odd private note on the course facebook page.

Having said that, I also have a tiny book of positive quotes I wrote from various sources. I used to take everywhere with me. Might have to get back into that.

The final action for this week was to under-take some reading in our prayer space. I’ve not done this, but it is a part of my Druid studies framework to sit with the words of the Eisteddfod.

 

Contemplation Questions

1. As a child, I only learnt the Lord’s Prayer and the Hail Mary’s. I remember most of it. More-so, I remember reading in a book called Inner Magic that witches were believed to not be able to say the Lord’s Prayer without choking.

I like that it’s gratiudinal? Er.. about gratefulness 😛 I don’t like the lack of true meaning, and the differing words to something that’s meant to be the same for everyone.

I prefer to make my prayers up; form my heart.  When reciting a prayer someone else has written, with other people, I want them all the recite the same thing. It’s “forgive us our trespasses”, not “sins”. Grr.

2. I have a few of Dianne Sylvan’s book quotes in my aforementioned books; but they’re not obviously spiritual. The ones from The Body Sacred about dealing with stress by talking about Hello Kitty pants and swallowing bananas whole helped me find humour in trauma; so I guess that counts as spiritual?

3. I’m away from most of these books as I’m at University right now, but I plan to go through them when I return home.

4. See above. I’ll do this one once I’m home with my books.

In light,
Rose

Spiritual Nomad :: Week Two :: Seeking Inspiration

Tags

13/4, paganism, reflection, seasons, spiritual nomad

Time for the weekly update on Dianne Sylvan’s Becoming a Spiritual Nomad Course, and it’s week two of six! If you missed last week’s update, click here.

Last week I stripped my altar and began a new breath practise. This week it’s an inspiration board and an altar ritual.

Guru Board

I like the idea of a guru board. Of images and words which inspire me. Yet, as I sat down to do it, I felt a block. Right now, it doesn’t feel right.

However, back in 2010 I made an “influence map” and most of the items mentioned are sacred to me, or inspire me, so I’m just going to re-share it here:

Click the image or click here to find out what each section means to me.

The Altar Ritual

We were to choose three items to go back on the altar. I chose the butterfly, my incense and my dragon. Today though, I also brought my oil burner out, so maybe I can count “oil and incense burners” as one item.

I haven’t done the breathing devotional ritual as our assignment suggested, but I have been doing the three breath exercise from Druidry, and reciting the Druids prayer with a candle lit, which I’m counting as a ritual. I’d like to elongate it to the ten minutes as suggested, so maybe I’ll add that to next week’s homework.

Contemplation Questions

1. Missing due to personal answer ^_^

2. I generally meditate in different spaces and my altar is kind of ever-changing in itself; so to put different objects on didn’t feel that different to me. I did miss my oil burner, so brought that back in, and I put up a new quotation above it where before I’d just had space. I prefer having words to focus on rather than objects.

3. 30 Words or Less: “I’m a Druid Pagan with Norse, Buddhist and Native American influences. Specifically I’m a Bard-in-training.” I’d never put the term Wiccan in, but based on my more “witchy” practises I guess I get a lot of the practical words/actions from Wicca too.  I’d love to be the Church of the Black Forest Gateaux though… Maybe I should work on that =P

4. Art and illogical words are a major “non-inspiration” for me, which a lot of people seem to get inspiration from. I’d much rather look at a blade of grass than the Mona Lisa (although don’t get me wrong, I do love some art), and there are so many phrases from the philosophers, scientists, religious speakers… that just.. they don’t make sense! And yet people quote them and base spiritual practises on them. That’s great if it works for you. But don’t expect me to feel the same way about them because all my mind is saying is “Well, that’s bollocks, and you need another noun in that fragment to make it a real sentence”. It’s got to be logical; even if it’s a fantasy comment, it needs to meet that parameters of belief in which it is set.  Oops. /rant.  😛
In love and light,
Rose

Spiritual Nomad :: Week One :: Leopard God Memories

Tags

13/4, decluttering, paganism, reflection, seasons, spiritual nomad

A couple of weeks ago I signed up to Dianne Sylvan’s Becoming a Spiritual Nomad Course, partially because I’ve loved all her books, and partly because this year I made a goal to connect with practise. It began this week, and I’ve completed the first week’s assignments (as I like to think of them).

Essentially, it’s a six-week E-course in eclectic spirituality, and this week was focused on Moments of Grace, our Altar, and a Breathing meditation.

I’ve also been writing up quotes to go on my walls and added five books to my Amazon Wish List.

Moments of Grace
When I first read about these, I could think of two. One happened while I was sitting in the library with my partner; back when we’d been together about two months.

The other was my first experience of Druid ceremony; Beltain 2009 where I became one tree in a “forest of women” while the men meditated in a separate circle. The whole day filled with a vibration I still remember: from hearing 80 women cry and laugh, to hold their hands, to stand under/in/on a sacred space on the coast: with the earth, sea and sky surrounding us.

As I began the next activity, drawing a path of a faith (I interpreted this as a timeline expressing our moments of grace, important events and our state of faith), I found others.

I have the Solstice which set my mind on beginning the Bardic OBOD course. I had a wonderful experience at my self-initiations – both of “to the goddess” in 2004 and to my bardic journey last November. I remember my first experiences of meditation. Of my first love. And the many moments of growth and challenge I overcame with a sense of faith in my current relationship.

I remember studying Hinduism in junior school, and drawing a tortoise goddess “Kuma” on my book cover. I’ve since tried to find her and the closest I find is Kurmu, an avatar of Vishnu; or Kumar, a God of War.

From this same time period, I remember having to write down in my RE book if I believed in God. I was about seven, and I wrote somethign like “not God but there’s something out there” and I drew a picture of the world, and a chair outside the world.

Sitting on the chair, I drew a leopard.

Yeah. Your guess is as good as mine. My teacher marked it with something like “oh good” if I remember correctly.   I’d like to point out that (as far as I remember) I didn’t think there was a leopard god; I just wanted to express it wasn’t a man, but it had substance and I’d recognise it’s form.

Either way, I remember that sense of knowing. Something’s out there. It is.

The Altar

My altar here at University is a small area; usually a corner of my drawers; fit around the hair bands, earring box, make-up and cards/photographs/ornaments.  When I read this section, I glanced over at it and sighed. I didn’t want to clear it. I decided I’d skip that as it’s not my permanent space.

Yet somehow, throughout the week, I did it.

We were told to clear it, but in my case that means moving the incense and putting my books away… that is my altar while i’m here: space.

Contemplation Questions

1. Spiritual exploration has generally been a positive experience, in that I’ve turned to it and sought it mainly when my life was negative; so in comparison to without it; spirit is comforting and freeing. Joyful.

2. Most negative experiences were my unfounded fear, disgreements with others/institutions and the lack of connection. I learnt that I need connection; that I came into Paganism looking for family when I had no other. And that my spirituality is mine. That’s an important lesson I took a while to learn.

3. As a scientist who sometimes views the divine/god/spirit as a a bunch of conscious energy, but also prays to human-like figures and also uses the individual pantheon names – the question about “what would you generally call it/them?” is a difficult one to answer.

Lately, I’ve been referring to them as “the gods” (with a little g because I realised yesterday that I find it “prettier than a capital G” o.O ) or “Spirit”. Calling spirit by names is something I understnad to shift with it’s purpose. If I need a hug, she appears as a motherly or best-friendly, but if I’m angry and am asking for conversation, I’ll see the warrior (male or female). In formal ritual, I refer to them as “God and Goddess”.  So i guess it depends, but “the gods” suits me most of the time.

4. I generally experience them as a force of thrumming energy. It’s a knowing inside, a strength in the air which I’m breathing in, or just a feeling of security. This is what I sought at 13, so this is how I associate the feeling of the gods. For the first 13 years, I experienced a fearful power and I blocked it. It was an emptiness that told me something was there. In times when I’ve used discrete names, I’ve felt a difference in the warmth, the size of the energy (which sounds really weird but it feels more tightly packed than spacious).

5. My minimum “needs” of an altar is “me”. I’ve very happy sitting on my bed and utilising my imagination, or just the air in my lungs and the water in my body. However, my ideal would have the four elements, an image for me to focus on, and some ylang ylang incense. With a lot of space between each item. Space is Sacred.

In love and light,
Rose